Thank you for following me to the new blog and for the anniversary wishes. I truly have the sweetest husband on the planet. I came home from work today to 3 dozen roses-a dozen for faith, a dozen for hope, and a dozen for love.
These were our wedding invitations:
And the same "Faith, Hope, Love" theme was in our readings, on our cake, on our bookmark favors, and several other places so he was playing off of that. And I carried purple roses, and one of the bouquets was purple. We had reservations to go to the Melting Pot, which is where we like to go, but close to when we were leaving, I got sick again, so we canceled and we just stayed in playing games, reading, and just hanging out-no expectations, no disappointment, just being together. I love how thoughtful and sensitive and gentle he is.
I'm generally feeling a little bit better. I seem to go longer between episodes, but when I have them, they are more severe. However, I think I'll take the severity-with-breaks as opposed to the ongoing version I've been having. However, I have lost 6 pounds, and I was having some more bleeding over the weekend so my doctor wants me to come in again, tomorrow. Woohoo, another look at baby! Honestly, I'm not worried-I called for informational purposes because I had a couple of questions, not because I'm worried. The only thing that gives me cause for worry is that HE is worried.
Our friend Mike was back in the hospital over the weekend--please pray for him. He's home now while they wait for the tumor board to meet, but we're not sure what the tests they ran this weekend will show and we're praying it's not another tumor. Thank you for praying!
We did have the kids on Sunday as a result. Their daughter absolutely ADORES Todd. Like to the point that I think she'll be crushed when she becomes old enough to realize he's taken. They're both equally wrapped around the other's finger. He's great with kids in general but I particularly love watching him with her...gives me such a sweet picture of what our life will be like with our own kids.
I am grateful to have lost a little more weight so that when I put it all back on (and then some), I'll be a little ahead of where I was. But I'm also sort of secretly anxious for a "baby bump" too. I know it will take forever, because I have a rather substantial "too much bad food plus too little exercise plus a hormone imbalance" bump already that baby first has to overcome, but I'm still looking forward to looking pregnant.
We've started talking about names. I sort of window-shopped around the net the other day at nursery bedding and furniture. Tonight I did a lot of reading on cloth diapering. It's overwhelming! I'm not "crunchy" by any means, but holy cow, the chemicals in disposable diapers are terrible! Cloth diapering grosses me out a little bit, but the thought of all those chemicals and all that extra landfill I think grosses me out more. We'll see. We know which doctor we're using and which hospital we'll deliver at but beyond that, I keep changing my mind on birthing methods, intervention preferences, etc.
Which brings me to a frustration. I don't understand this movement in the Christian mothering world to be militant and one-size-fits all. I'm just not like that. And I only see it on one side of the spectrum. I feel so much pressure within the Christian community to only do things one way--Bradley method, unassisted or midwife assisted, drug-free home birth, after which I need to cloth diaper my baby, buy the nearest organic baby carrier and swear off strollers, join the La Leche league, feed them only breast milk and food I make myself, and then homeschool them.
I've already deviated from some of those choices and intend to deviate from several more. I hate that there's this sort of morality associated with it-like "this is the only way Good Christian moms do things." I don't understand why there's this sort of spiritual snobbery and underlying current that women who do those things love their children more, and why judgment comes on those who don't practice any or all of those things. Honestly, though I have good friends active in those movements and many others who birthed/raise their children according to those principles and who are NOT jerks about it, the general attitude that permeates from the movements as a whole is a huge turn-off for me.
Here's the thing. I want to do as many organic or chemical-free things as I can for baby. I want to take Bradley classes because they seem to give me the best understanding of what happens with my body and baby's. But I have no idea if I want an epidural or not. I'm terrified of having a c-section, but don't think it's a moral choice. I could never in a million years go through birth without a medical professional nearby. The idea of a hospital is comforting to me-the thought of a home birth terrifies me. I think Moby wraps are pretty cool but I hate most of the other wraps I've seen-they look so uncomfortable for mom and baby! I don't think I'll scar my child for life if I employ the moderate use of a stroller. I want to breastfeed, but if for some reason I can't adequately provide for baby, I want the freedom to explore other options. I might make my own baby food, or I might buy it in jars. I will not be joining La Leche and we have no intention of homeschooling.
Some people would read that and immediately gasp and start praying for us. And I just don't get it. I firmly believe that the choices a family makes are between the husband and wife, God, and their children and that they depend on what God is directing them to do and what is best for each child. And since no two parents, no two walks with God, and no two children are alike, how on earth could the answers to non-moral, non-doctrinal issues be universal? I don't have any ideological or moral objections to any of those things I mentioned, or their opposites. I just don't think they're moral issues at all.
I think it's part of a greater idea that I've become increasingly uncomfortable with. I think the American Protestant culture has become increasingly preoccupied with religi-fying society. We've become obsessed with keeping God in our pledge and on our money and in our schools, with pulling our kids out of those schools, with getting people to vote Republican, with trying to bully the President into participating in a prayer ceremony he doesn't believe in anyway, with banning gay marriage and gambling, etc, etc, etc, all because "God wants us to" and it's "the Christian way." Why aren't we devoting that same passion to genuinely spreading the gospel and the stories God has given each one of us to tell? I can't find anything in scripture to support ANY of those things. That's not to say they're unchristian or unbiblical, just that they're extra-biblical and where scripture is silent, I believe it is up to each person and each family to discern what God would have them do on those subjects.
Becoming militant about anything, especially non-salvation issues, isn't doing the cause of Christ any good. Goodness, I'm a Christian and I'm turned off! I just don't get it. That's not to say that I don't think there's a place for Christians in government or Christians in social causes or whatever, but I think our process of "Christianizing" as much as we can has eclipsed our primary purpose. If there was a true revival in this nation, we wouldn't need to fight the courts to keep God's name on our dollar bills. We need to be active in encouraging our friends as they spiritually parent their children, not in becoming invested in their diapering choices!
Thinking on those things lately has really been convicting, because I my personality CAN be a crusader-type. I'm passionate and pro-active and articulate and it's easy for me to get on a soapbox or a bandwagon. I don't want to be known by my cause unless that cause is Christ. I want the focus of our home to be on the Lord, not on some social structure and set of rules. I want to make parenting choices according to what is best for our kids, even if that's counter-cultural or different from child to child. And I want to be the kind of person that gives that same freedom to the parents around me and I want us to sojourn together as we each seek the Lord's best for our families.
Man, I had no idea this post was going to go this direction! Hubby is home from picking up a very late dinner so I'm gonna get back to him! Thanks for sticking with me.
I'll post tomorrow after our appointment!