Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Is anyone still out there?

Hello, dear readers! The author of my favorite book often referred to her audience as "dear readers" and I always thought it was so endearing.

First--in demonstrating how to use wordpress for someone else, I accidentally deleted my blogroll. Can you please post your link for me here in the comments?

I didn't intend to take a break from blogging--it just sort of happened. But it's been good overall. I've been at the gym A LOT (aside from this week, I go 5-6 days per week). The exercise has been good but now it makes me a little nuts to sit at a computer long enough to blog!

The spring time was a little difficult too. As I write this, I should be 8 months pregnant. Mother's Day was awful. Nearly every person we know seemed to forget it was Mother's Day for me too. We're sort of dreading Father's Day for the same reason. The excessive commercialization and marketing of the two holidays, combined with the utter silence from our friends and family just made us feel very lonely. Every commercial, radio advertisement and business gimmick was just a brazen reminder of what we'd lost. I'll be very grateful when this weekend is over. Overall I've actually been doing well but these holidays resulted in a significant setback.

I had to make the conscious choice to not dwell on the negative thoughts and feelings. That included, for a time, not blogging. I finally feel like I'm coming out of that funk and it's no longer so detrimental or exhausting for me to sit and process the more difficult thoughts.

The weight loss journey is going well, albeit slowly. I'm down about 20 pounds, 2.5% body fat, and 6.25 inches. I exercise a ton (I do weights and swim 1/2-3/4 of a mile 5-6 days a week!) I checked out every book on nutrition I could possibly find and have been reading a ton. I really want to make this a lifestyle change, and I want to know why and how certain foods are better for me, better together, better cooked certain ways, etc.

The new doctor in Tucson is AMAZING. We're shifting my care to him. I feel so much better about entrusting the babies and myself to him than I did with the other "doctors." I really feel like he was an answer to prayer and I'm so grateful that God provided him.

We discussed my weight loss with him. He's willing to do a transfer sooner (fewer pounds lost) than I was. He was comfortable with 35, I want to get to 50. But the weight is coming off so slowly and we also have to factor in that we have to do the transfer this year because of our FSA money. So I'll continue my weight loss plan faithfully from now through August 30. Then he wants me to stabilize for 2 months so my hormones and chemicals that change during weight loss can level out. In October I'll start the medication regimen. Then we'll do another transfer at the end of November. That gives us December to work with in case November has to be canceled for any reason.

At my current rate of weight loss, that should put me right about 40 pounds down. I'm comfortable with that :)

This summer we'll be moving the babies to the Tucson clinic, so I'd appreciate your prayers as we make those arrangements and as they travel.

DH and I are coming up on 6 years of marriage at the end of this month! While we'd hoped to have a house full of kids by now, I've been so grateful for the time we've had together that so many other couples miss out on. He truly is my best friend and best companion and I enjoy time with him so much. That's been a real gift for me and though infertility has been difficult, the exclusive attention of my husband for so many years has been a treasure.

I lost the diamond out of my wedding ring last week. We've yet to locate it so I went in to the local jeweler to see what our options were for costs of replacement, repair, etc. In talking, he noticed my other ring (my snowflake ring). I commented that it was the ring my hubby gave me for our adoption and that we did what is called a "Snowflake Adoption." His face lit up and he said "you did? Really!??" He was so excited because he and his wife have been researching it and had hit a dead end. A snowflake adoption outside of California has three components-the Snowflake Agency, your own state's adoption agency and the medical provider. They had gotten what they needed from Nightlight, but had hit a brick wall on the other two fronts. So we talked about cost, procedure, doctors, etc. I walked out of the jeweler and wept. I lost a rock. A stone. A lifeless, tiny piece of earth. But I gained a chance to try to plant or water a precious seed that just maybe, God will grow. He may use this family to provide a home for some precious children, and provide precious children to this couple who long so much for a child. Or He may use them to spread the information to another family down the road. Who knows? God does. But I'm absolutely confident that our meeting was a divine appointment. Pray for that family that God would make the information they need readily available and that he would make very evident His plan for them.

My sweet sister in law and her family are in town and staying with us this week-it's been such a joy! She went to fetch the kids from grandma and grandpa's house so I want to scoot off to the gym in her absence and therefore need to cut this short.

If you're still out there, thanks for reading and for your patience. Please remember to leave me your blog address so that I can find you again!

Grace and peace to you, dear readers!