Tonight is a sleepless night...hopefully one of many to come--(so long as they're caused by sweet baby cries ;) )
Our transfer is in about 8 hours. All day long I've been at peace. But now, my mind, heart and body are racing.
We lit the Candle of Anticipation this week for Advent. I've really been meditating on that this week. Our hearts are full of so much expectation. And that expression of hope, and joy, is only rightfully directed toward our Coming King. Our desire for them is only a fraction of what ought be our desire for Him. The stirring in my heart is a constant reminder of that. Through my longing for my children, the Holy Spirit reminds and exhorts, "Do you long for me, Daughter?" By God's grace and through His Spirit, I do. And yet I need the reminder and the redirection of my focus, for I am weak and easily distracted. I praise God for His mercy in binding my heart to Him and His.
Last night was as close to perfect as it could have been. I worked in the morning. Then I headed toward the gym and got in the pool--I'd forgotten how much I loved doing that! I cut my finger pretty severely on Thanksgiving and have 11 stitches. I still can't get my hand wet so I had to gimp around the pool with the one hand wrapped in a grocery sack and suspended up in the air--I giggled at the sight I must have been. I enjoyed the jacuzzi next, and then went and got my hair cut and styled (SO relaxing, and I like my sassy new 'do). Then DH and I had a wonderful dinner of salad, cheese and chocolate fondues at the M.elting P.ot...yumm! We hit the jacuzzi again on the way home and then drove through this little street nearby that gets all decked out for Christmas. We came home, snuggled with the puppies. We prayed and then I fell asleep as DH read to me Psalms about God's love and mercy and protection and provision and administration of His will. I was so perfectly relaxed, which was such a wonderful answer to prayer. Between the pain I've felt from my finger, and the yucky way my meds have made me feel, I was stressed about being able to relax (ironic, isn't it?) But God answered that prayer so generously!
Now, 5 hours later, I'm awake. I've been praying for our babies, and for my sweet husband. I am already, so, so blessed. I need to remember that. I have the most amazing husband in the world. And if God desires for us to remain just a family of 2 on this earth, that will be enough for me. Dwelling with my sweet husband within the Will of God is far beyond living outside it with a whole brood of children. May the desires of our hearts be answered only so long as they reside in within the desires of His heart!
On that note about my wonderful hubby, I thank God for another year in my hubby's life and another year of hubby being in my life. We celebrated his birthday on Thanksgiving day. It was his birthday, but those of us in his life are the ones who received the gifts. Happy birthday, sweet Hunny of mine!
I am going to go and attempt to get a little more sleep. Thank you all for checking on us and for the many emails we've received. My bum finger has prevented updates for the past week as typing still hurts and I do it as little as possible (plus, I'm really funny and say goofy things when on mass doses of Vicodin-not that my family knows that from Thanksgiving day or anything ;) ).
We instructed the clinic to thaw one vial of two embryos.
If you are so inclined to join us in prayer and interceded on our behalf, these are our specific requests for the transfer:
•That both embryos survive the thaw
•That if one or both embryos do(es) not survive, the death(s) would be evident beyond a shadow of a doubt, eliminating any "gray areas" and guess work
•That the embryologist and doctor would respect our wishes to transfer any embryos with *any* living cells and not discard what they might think is "questionable" (hence the previous prayer request). Our doctor has not given us any indication to believe that he will not respect our wishes, but the contracts are a bit ambiguous and we know other doctors in other clinics have exploited "gray area" situations.
•That the transfer would go smoothly for me and for the babies and the doctor would be able to clearly see and access everything he needs to
•That the transfer would be successful: we pray specifically that all embryos transferred will burrow in deeply in the correct place, and that we would become pregnant, carry a full-term healthy pregnancy and give birth to (a) healthy child(ren).
•That the physical challenges I am is experiencing from the barrage of medications would lessen
•That we would be able to travel safely to and from Tucson (about 2 hours from here) on Wednesday
•That God would protect us from fear and grant us acceptance of His will, regardless of the outcome of the transfer. We have longed for children for so many years, that between that and last year's miscarriage, it's difficult not to get carried away sometimes with fear and worry.
Thank you very much! We rest in the knowledge that the lives of our babies are in the hands of their Creator, and that He loves them more than we ever could.
I'll leave you with my prayers for God's richest of blessings in your lives and for our one picture from last night. I think we now have half a dozen pictures like this, where the only thing that changes is our clothing but nevertheless, I like it a lot!
Nighty night! Or...good morning!