Well I sure got off to a rip-roaring start, only to peter out quickly! It's my goal to be a regular IF blogger but I just let time get away from me this weekend.
We have a small update. I spoke to the new specialist's real scheduler today (last week was a sub). She did confirm that we have the earliest possible appointments. It's turning out to not be such a disappointment because the holidays are keeping us busy. The planning logistic woman in me wants to race ahead for all the practical reasons, but I'm trying to wait on the Lord's timing. I have to start somewhere right? I'm not ready to wait for forever, but I can try another month. And then another, if He asks. And I'll just try to do day by day henceforth. I can't think about the what ifs and the nevers because I just work myself in to a tizzy. One day at a time...just like the sparrows and the flowers.
I called insurance and they said IF treatments are not covered, specifically conception assistance. Diagnostic exams and procedures are covered, as is the correction of any true biological problems. It's funny because just last month there was a discussion on a message board I'm a member of about whether or not insurance should cover IF. I thought about it and my response was that insurance should cover the diagnosis and treatment of any actual medical problem or malfunction, but not conception assistance, for the specific reason of the cost passed on to the majority of policy holders that will never ever need or use the coverage. I realize this opens a can of worms about other coverages that a lot of the rest of us pay for but will never use like some contraceptions, s*xual enhancements (censored so I don't get dirty google hits, not because I'm prude!), substance abuse related ailments, etc, etc, but that's all for another discussion. Now I certainly wouldn't refuse medical insurance that offered IF coverage and I think it's a huge blessing for anyone who has it and needs it. My only point was I think that medical treatment coverage but not conception assistance is a reasonable, logical, fair compromise, even if it's not perfect.
And what do you know? That's exactly what our insurance does. My very initial reaction was a tinge of disappointment. But then I considered further and realized that I still think the same way I did when speaking in a vacuum just a month ago, and I am glad for the way God used some silly message board discussion to prepare my heart for this news. I won't lie. The cost of IF treatments or adoption or whatever seems insurmountable. Thinking about it does stress me out if I dwell on it too much. But overall, I'm very much at peace. I grateful that if there is a way to fix our biological malfunction(s), that they will be covered. And I'm specifically praying that if they can be fixed, we won't even need conception assistance. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm also grateful for a referral to this IF specialist, who with gobs of experience in this area specifically, undoubtedly knows his way around insurance codes and how to classify everything properly.
I also read the specialist's website today and it gave me a lot more hope. It didn't give me unrealistic hope but I certainly don't feel like the situation is quite as desolate as I thought it was after speaking to my own doctor. We'll see. His actual exams of us may change that, but at least right now I know there is the potential for hope, when before I was all but told that there was none.
So anyway, those are some things you can be praying for if you think of us.
Thanks also for your prayers last week. I spent most of last Thursday with one of my very favorite people in the world, a dear lady from my church whom I cherish. She has had her own very recent walk with grief and she reached out and wrapped her arms around us in prayer and friendship. She was so generous with her time and experience and comfort, helping me navigate these waters and answering some of my very practical and not so practical questions. I'm so grateful for her! My time with her, along with the knowledge of all of your prayers really made that day much more bearable than it originally started out to be. So, thank you, friends!