Yesterday was a positively rotten day, but in the rottenness, God's glory really shined.
It started out harmlessly enough. We went to church and my friend pulled me into a room and said she had to talk to me. She told me she has breast cancer. Then, during the Sunday school hour, so many of our church family members shared truly heartbreaking, life changing, serious prayer requests. Several people are dying, another woman was rushed to the hospital during church yesterday, others are facing other types of loss. It was just lousy for everyone! And I was already upset about Mike (news is not good), and the floodgates just opened. I cried, and cried, and cried, and so did several other women in the room. Then Mike and Krista arrived, and he was looking terrible, and she gave me more of an update, and the whole thing stunk.
It was M&K's anniversary, so we took the kids to lunch so they could go to lunch together alone. And it was so wonderful. I love those kids more than life itself, but yesterday, the time was even more enjoyable than usual. They were just sweet and snuggly and cuddly and we just had a nice time with them. Little kid hugs are the best medicine. Then we brought them back to the house and when Mike and Krista came home from lunch, we just sat around visiting for hours. It was wonderful. Mike was actually himself (rare these days), Krista was relaxed (also rare!) and we just enjoyed rich fellowship. It was so fruitful, and precious. They're in for a rough week this week as he has another surgery, so it was really great to just have some quality time with them. Then the kids woke up and we spent time playing and giggling and it was so nice.
Krista shared something she's been learning. We spend so much of our prayer life and spiritual activities on the physical world and not a lot on the spiritual world. But even when Christ was on earth, He ruled the spiritual, not the physical. So while our first instinct is to pray for Mike's healing, they've been praying for their peace. That really challenged me a lot. And was very timely...
DH and I left their house and stopped on the way home from dinner. I used the ladies' room and everything was fine. We had a nice, quick meal. 45 minutes later, when we got home, I used the bathroom and found that I was bleeding everywhere. It was a ton more than I had bled previously with this pregnancy, and way more than the doctor had told me was safe and acceptable. I bled for about an hour constantly, and was convinced that miscarriage #2 had started. I sent a quick text message to a couple of prayer warrior friends, and I posted a prayer request online with some other friends, and DH and I started praying.
And God was so good in directing our prayers. He guided us to pray for our peace, and for His will, and THEN for our baby. As I prayed He gave me the courage to tell Him that I would accept whatever was in store for us that night. He keeps teaching me again and again that He KNOWS our heart's desire, and what we need to be focused on is aligning that desire with His will, not telling Him the obvious. I cried some more and then we just left it alone. I talked to the doctor on call, who said there was nothing we could do but wait and see.
I couldn't help but think about how timely the conversation with Krista had been.
But miraculously, by the end of the next hour, the blood flow had stopped and and reduced to spotting. By the time we'd gone to bed, even that had stopped. I don't think the timing was coincidental; I believe that was God intervening for us. When I woke up this morning, I was back to feeling completely normal, with no signs of the issues from last night.
My doctor's office is closed today, so I really could do nothing but wait and pray. And He's given me a peace that could only come from Him. We really don't know if everything is ok. The amount of blood I lost was a lot for pregnancy and way over the amount the doctor had told me to be concerned about if I saw, but it was less than I lost with my miscarriage.
A friend is an OB in another state and she checked on me this morning. She said that given the sudden onset, the high volume relative to the time, and the quick stop, she thinks it could have been some sort of placental hemorrhage or bruise, both of which I guess can be perfectly normal. Especially given the emotional stress of the day, and the activity of lifting the kids and such, I may have just provoked something, or it could have had nothing to do with those things, but how tired I was could have made it freak me out more than it might have another time. It wasn't enough blood to have been a complete miscarriage, and if it was just the start of a miscarriage, she said I likely would have started bleeding again by now. So she said there's a really strong possibility that everything is fine.
I will call my OB tomorrow but I was really dreading waiting through today and God was really gracious in passing the time quickly and restfully. What's done is already done and all we can do is wait, and He's been carrying our worry for us.
Thank you to everyone who prayed and who will keep praying. Obviously, I have a preference as to the outcome. It was a rough day, but God's mercies were overwhelming and we saw His strength in our weakness. We are praying for good news tomorrow, but more than that, we are continuing to seek His will for us and for our baby. We'd love for you to join us in those prayers, and also in prayer for our friends with the cancer issues.
Love to you all...