Well, here we are. In a little over 12 hours, I'll have babies on board again...I'll be PUPO again (pregnant until proven otherwise).
I'm doing remarkably well. This whole transfer has just been...different. In part, we didn't have a ton of time to stress about it. It was just "bam, your transfer is in 3 weeks!" That was really good. Secondly, I've been on fewer and easier hormones--that's been good for me, and everyone around me ;) But most importantly, I've just tried to have a different attitude this time. The last couple of times, I've tried to be in complete control-with my environment, with what we do, with what happens around us. And you know what? No matter how much I stress or control, I can't determine what's going to happen. No amount of worrying is going to save their lives or guarantee me the outcome I want. So really all it does is waste time, and disobey God's instruction to surrender, and rob me and Him of that sweetness that comes with resting in Him.
My prayer this time has consistently been for an increase of my faith. Every time my mind tries to go to the what ifs, I try to stop those thoughts dead in their tracks and pray for God's will instead. God has generously and miraculously removed all fears, and uneasiness and I am going into this with a peace that I can only describe as supernatural. So this transfer feels different, because I think I am different this time around, completely and solely by God's power, and mercy.. That doesn't mean I don't still desperately hope I get to meet my babies in 9 months, or that I won't be brokenhearted if we lose these babies too...I guess I just feel less anxious about the outcome...more and better prepared to accept whatever His answer is. We'll see if I hold true to these words in a few weeks. Please continue to join me in prayer for peace!
We had a wonderful weekend. We filled it with spending time with each other and with people we love and it was such a wonderful distraction. Even if I wanted to worry about tomorrow, I haven't had time to. We started off yesterday morning just hanging out together. We had breakfast together, puttered around our house and then went to the movies. By the way, Le.tters to Ju.liet is very, very cute. It's 100% predictable, but it's also 100% clean and sweet, which is very rare.
But, I digress. We then went out to spend a couple hours with roomie and her hubby, celebrating their move to AZ and their new home with a wonderful housewarming party. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE having her here? Then we spent the afternoon with Mike, Krista, and the kids at an Aquarium that just opened up and at dinner. It's so fun to see and enjoy life through the eyes of sweet children.
This morning we went to church, where a group of intercessors gathered with us to pray over us and the babies. Then we spent the afternoon just the two of us, and then our WWF Family (us, Winns and another church family, the Freelands) came over and we enjoyed dinner, fun, and fellowship. Now, I'm blogging, I'm going to pack, spend some time in prayer, and go to bed! Tomorrow, we'll spend the night with my parents before coming home on Tuesday.
God has been so generous in His provision of sweet fellowship, quality time with people I love, fun, teaching, and great distractions!
Facing a transfer is always a little odd, because no matter the pregnancy outcome, we're releasing our babies. Anywhere between tomorrow and a few weeks from now, they'll be either with their Savior or burrowing in me. In some ways, the limbo is easier to deal with, because the status quo is familiar. Both of the other possible outcomes are a little scary. So it's just odd signing off on the documents to make this life-changing decision on their behalf. Thankfully, they are in the hand of our loving God--all I need to do is sign the paperwork!
Our praises are that the medications have been much easier this time around, that God has helped us spend this waiting time well, that He's grown us in faith and understanding, that He's surrounded us with such wonderful family and friends, and that He's given us His precious peace that surpasses understanding.
The babies will be thawed tomorrow morning, probably before we even wake up. If you'd like to join us in prayer, these are our requests. Please pray for their safety during the thaw process. We are thawing one vial of two embryos. Please pray for the embryologist as he/she handles their precious little lives. Pray that our wishes are respected and that each of their little lives are honored as just that, and not as "material" and "disposable." Please pray for my doctor as he does the transfer. Please pray for my comfort during the procedure. And most of all, please just pray for our babies. Their lives are about to change very dramatically, one way or the other.
I'll sign off with 2 songs that I've been meditating on and worshiping to this week. Not coincidentally, they're both by Avalon, my favorite group. There's a power and meaning in their songs that just swells my heart and soul, and really conducts me toward the heart of God. These songs remind me of God's trustworthiness, unchanging character, and unwavering love and faithfulness. I pray they encourage you, too!
Still My God
You Were There
After the last transfer, I was pretty heavily medicated, so I don't know how quickly I'll get back for an update, but I will when I can.
Goodnight, friends. I love you!
Goodnight babies, I love you.