After we lost our girls, I developed an impression of how I expected to feel the next time I was ever pregnant. I expected that keep my feet up, hold my breath, and live in constant fear that the worst would happen all over again. When you experience loss, it's only natural to fear its recurrence.
So I guess that since I got the positive tests on Monday, I've sort of been waiting for the other shoe to drop in terms of my emotions. I've expected fear to take over and have tried to be on my guard against it.
But God, in His never ending compassion and love and generosity, continues to quell every fiber of my heart and mind and being with His peace. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced. He's truly teaching me what it means to live as though I believe that tomorrow has enough troubles of its own, and so I will rest today in Him. I can truly say that I'm not worried. And it's not that I don't think anything can or will happen. I am fully aware of the fact that God can call these babies home any moment. But I'm also fully aware that if He does, He'll fully sustain us with everything we need to walk through that loss and that He'll use it for His glory and ministry among His people.
I'm a worry-wart and a control freak by nature. So all glory is unto God for this Supernatural peace, for it could not possibly and does not come from within myself.
In the mean time, by and because of His grace, we're concentrating on enjoying the growing life in me and thanking God for each precious day we have. DH kisses both me and my belly hello, goodbye, good morning, goodnight, whatever. It's so cute.
God knows what their futures hold, and what ours hold too. We refuse to let Satan use fear and history to rob us of that confidence and joy.