Friday, October 1, 2010

Placing Parents

Hi bloggy friends,

You all are so sweet and I really love you all!

Some of you may recall that we and the Genetic Parents have decided to temporarily stop communication between our two families while they deal with their grief from placement. This was their request, but one we agreed to because we were also struggling with feeling free to celebrate this baby without hurting them. We agreed not to email or call and to refrain from reading each other's blogs. I keep the adoption agency updated and if and when Beau and Sheila feel like they can handle an update, they call the agency to get one. Until now, all they've really known is that I am pregnant.

Sheila emailed me last night to let me know that one of our mutual blog buddies reached out to her and inadvertently told her that the baby is a boy and gave her baby Matthew's name. She was not upset with the person, and she knows that they were very sweet and well-intended, but this was not how or when she wanted to find things out. I realize the person probably did not know they were giving Sheila new information, which is why I'm posting a clarification here.

Please hear me very loud and clear: I keep no secrets from Sheila. There is nothing on my blog that I DON'T want her to know. So I am not violating any relationship with her by sharing things here. However, there are things that she has chosen not to know for now.

Bloggy buddies-you are SO sweet to pray for her and reach out for her as she and her hubby struggle. But please, please, PLEASE, do not mention anything about my pregnancy or baby Matthew to her. Please allow her the freedom and space to grieve, and to retrieve the information she wants, in a time line she feels she can handle. I really think that all information about this pregnancy needs to come from the agency or from me and only at her initiation. As we've not been in contact, it's safe to assume that she doesn't know anything except that I'm still pregnant, so please don't mention anything else more specific. I really want to be careful with her heart and allow her to control the pace at which she finds out information.

Thank you all for your understanding. I really hope this doesn't come across as a hand-slap. It warms my heart to know that some of you reach out to her, too! Please continue to pray for their family.


  1. Jen, it's been a long time since I've checked in with you and your precious family. I'm so happy to hear about baby Matthew..How FANTASTIC! I will be praying for your genetic family.

  2. You handled this very respectfully. Keep enjoying that little one kicking! Are you feeling better? How is Ewan? btw, I gave you an award over at my place today! ((HUGS))

  3. I think your being so sweet to consider her feelings considering the situation. Although as an outsider reading, it seems like she should be happy and excited for you. I hope that you have no bad feelings (guilt) at a time you should be elated and not worrying about what someone else is feeling, just being a happy mama to me. It seems a little selfish on her part to. I hope this doesn't upset you or your hubby as I don't mean to disrespect the blog comments by voicing my opinion. I think you have been through so much already and should for ONCE get to enjoy something without having it overshadowed. -kriss

  4. So excited to "meet" your little man! I also nominated you for the "One Lovely Blog Award". Love your template, by the way!

  5. Hi Kriss-
    Sheila definitely agrees that we should get to enjoy this without feeling badly, which is one of the reasons we stopped being in contact. She needs to grieve and I need to celebrate and we shouldn't put a damper on what each other is experiencing. When she wrote, it wasn't to tattle or complain, it just came up in the course of conversation about something else. I just wanted to clarify here so it doesn't happen again. I'd hate for her to experience any more pain. I just can't imagine being in the position that she is in and how much it hurts.