Thursday, October 28, 2010

Big decision

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your input on my last post.

After seriously thinking about a lot of the things several of you said, DH and I are at least considering finding a new doctor. But some things other people said are also making me be careful that I don't ditch my doctor in haste.

Those of you who know me in real life will be shocked to hear me say this, but I mean it in earnest: I am a big, fat chicken. I hate interpersonal conflict. I can debate you until the cows come home on an issue but interpersonally, I RUN from conflict. It gives me knots in the pit of my stomach. So the thought of "breaking up" with my doctor stresses me out because I worry about offending him. I've not been more assertive with him because I haven't wanted to argue with him. These are all really dumb things, I know. But as a people-pleaser, they are part of my personality. I've been giving myself this pep-talk over the last few days: "He's not your friend, he's your doctor. He's not your friend, he's your doctor." Lame that I have to actively tell myself that, isn't it.

So I found a couple of recommendations and I have an appointment set up to meet with one next week, and another doctor the week after that. I want to see how those meetings go and see if I click with someone, before I make the decision. If one goes well, THEN I'll transfer. But if they're similar to my current doctor, I'll stay put.

I know some of you must think I'm a terrible mom for even thinking of staying with this doctor, but he's really not terrible. I've been his patient since the month after he opened his practice. As a gynecologist, he was WONDERFUL. He diagnosed my PCOS right away after another doctor couldn't in a year and a half of care. He discovered my cyst that had been paining me for years, and 3 months after I first walked in his doors, he had performed surgery to remove it. He really is the most gentle, mild-mannered doctor on the PLANET. He always was SO careful and patient and delicate during all of my exams. He's also very pro-life, so I always knew that anything he would recommend would be consistent with my values and I never had to second guess.

At the time of my first miscarriage, I'd been experiencing problems leading up to it. I had called the doctor several times, and he pretty much blew me off. A lot of doctors do, especially in early pregnancy. The truth of the matter is that there usually ISN'T a lot that can be done. We've since discovered in my case that an adjustment of my own medications may have helped, but even if it couldn't, no one wants to feel blown off.

In contrast, my current doctor has ALWAYS treated Baby Matthew like a human being. He was never a "product of conception." There was never an attitude of "I won't start caring about him until the second trimester" or anything like that. When I was bleeding, he had me in for an ultrasound, that same day, multiple times. I always felt like even if it was just for my own peace of mind, he treated both me and the baby with dignity. That is so, so important to me. Early pregnancy was so scary for me, and I really felt like I could have as much care as I needed/wanted with this doctor.

I really do like and trust him. And for me, that's really important in a doctor. I feel like if the fundamentals are right, usually the rest falls into place. That's not proving to be the case here, but that's why I've stayed so long because I knew at the core, we were on the same page.

I LOVE the rest of his staff. Seriously LOVE them. Like I want his nurse at my delivery. Considering a LOT of care is actually provided by the office staff, this is a big factor for me, too. I ALWAYS get to talk to my nurse the same day if I need to. In early pregnancy, there were times I called EVERY day. They're compassionate and knowledgeable and again, treated me and Matthew with dignity.

So there's all of that to consider. In a lot of ways he HAS been a WONDERFUL doctor.

But on the other hand, the frustrations I've experienced are maddening. And I've always said that I don't care what religion a person is--I want the best care/service. So I can't place too much emphasis on our common ground if I'm getting substandard care in trade. I just can't decide if I think it's substandard, or if a lot would be solved with a meeting of the minds discussion about communication.

We have a lot to pray about. I want to do what's best for Matthew, and I see a lot of pros and cons on both sides. (Remember what I said about making decisions? I stink at it!)

In other news, we had received a hand-me-down rocker. It broke the other night so we went this week and bought one. It was so COOL to go and sit in all the chairs, and just picture sitting there, rocking Matthew. It was such a quintessential pregnancy experience. I just am so excited for him to get here!

AND, while I was typing all of this, my doctor's office called..............

I PASSED MY GLUCOSE TEST! I DON'T HAVE GESTATIONAL DIABETES!!!!!!!!!! She said all my bloodwork was "normal" so it wasn't even an "passed by the skin of my teeth" result! This really, truly is a miracle, and I almost cried when she told me. I'm almost crying now, just thinking about it. I am so, so, SO grateful for this news, and I thank you for joining me in my petition before, and in my thanksgiving now!!


  1. Yay! I'm glad you don't have GD. :) So basically, your only "high risk" attribute is your weight. Statistically, this does put you at more risk for a cesarean, but this statistic may well have more to do with doctors being overly cautious than actual medical problems.

    You can read an interesting perspective on this here:

    I'm glad you're thinking about changing doctors. The nicest man in the world won't do you any good if he decides you need a cesarean and doesn't want to give you a darn good explanation in the middle of labor.

    Also? Please please please please get a doula, no matter who your doctor is. She can help you with the not-liking-confrontation problem. I totally want the best for you, Jen!

    Am I being annoying? Please email me if so and I'll stop. Promise! :)

  2. No, you're not annoying, Emily! I really value your input because you know me personally, and you know me not pregnant, so you just have a different perspective. And, you know SO much more about birth and labor than I probably EVER will.

    Yeah, it's definitely confirmed with us that we need a doula because I'm such a wimp. We wouldn't have thought about that before but I can definitely see myself backing down (with any doctor) simply to avoid conflict.

  3. Praising God for your test results - that is awesome! :)

  4. Praise the Lord for the test results!

    From a fellow people pleaser, don't go from trying to please your doctor to trying to please your readers with the decision about your doctor. The best situation for you to deliver in is the one that YOU feel good about and YOU feel peaceful about. That scenario will look different for different women. There are lots of different but equally good options to choose from.

    I felt really insecure during my first pregnancy and didn't want to rock the boat because I felt ignorant and that I should just trust the doctors. My second pregnancy gave me a lot more confidence to be my own advocate and trust that I know my body and I know if something isn't right.

    Peace be with you!

  5. Hi there, Not sure if you're still following replies from the last posts. I am an ED (to stick to your terminology) mom-to-be, about a week behind you.
    What I have heard is that there are studies showing an increased risks in pregnancies from egg donation for pre-eclampsia - the same goes, btw for limited exposure to partner's sperm prior to pregnancy the good old fashioned way - for reasons believed to do with the immune system, but not well understood.
    My doctor has been keeping an eye on the blood flow through the cord with the doppler us looking for indications of PE problems to be seen there - thankfully, there's nothing to report on that front.
    Many pregnancy problems are tied up with a higher risk for c-section, i.e. PE, pre-term labor, IUGR, diabetes, etc. so that's also not crazy.
    I have communication issues with my doctor as well, but she won't be at the delivery and I would switch if I felt I could. I am all for switching if it means that you'll get answers at the birth when you need them, but your doctor isn't as entirely off-base as many people are making him out to be. (Can't speak to GD.) You can choose to find fault with the studies, but it's not like they aren't out there and he's just making things up.
    All that said - try not to worry too much about this. You've come so far already; you're almost at the point when survival rates start to get really, really good even if there is an early delivery. Thinking of you (so glad about the negative test!)

  6. Congrats on the great news on the GD test! Hooray. Okay, I like your friend Emily! I agree with her, so I will not repost my thoughts. I am glad you are going with a doula too : )

  7. While we have no problems with our doctor, the distance is making me rethink our choice even at 24 weeks a long. So while we are not looking at switching for the same reasons, I have some idea....will be praying for guidance. On another note, congrats on the test results - I am sure that is a huge relief!!