I've been in a funk lately, which is why I've been relatively quiet here in bloggy-land. I think it was just a combination of fatigue, grief, and hormones, but I was in an anti-social mood for almost 2 weeks, where I just didn't feel like seeing, being with, or talking to people. I guess I just wanted the world to stop moving for a few days while I caught my breath and processed everything that's gone on in the last month.
So for most of the last two weeks, I spent most of my time alone. Pastor is on vacation so I was alone at work. DH works during the day, so I was alone at home, and I didn't accept any social invitations. It was really kind of weird, because I'm one of the biggest extroverts I know. I will ALWAYS choose being with people over being alone. So this was just weird. But I spent a lot of time praying, thinking, talking with DH, and resting. I think that's probably one of the downfalls of the extrovert--you fill your time and thoughts with so much activity, that you don't often have time for quiet and stillness. I need to be more intentional about carving out time to be still.
This weekend was really recharging. I had tons of time with DH, which is always some of my best medicine. We hung out all weekend together, just doing life. Time with him just refills my love cup so much. He is self-employed in a manual-labor industry, so he works long hours that leave him physically exhausted during the week, so while we see each other, there's not a lot of quality time that happens during the week. So 3 days with him was just what the doctor ordered!
We've been doing little things to prepare for baby Matthew. This weekend, we ordered our carseat and stroller. Aren't they cute? I love the funky pattern and I think it will serve us well for both boys and girls.
On Saturday, we went and registered at Target. It was fun to shop for him. It's still a little early to be registering, but it was nice to go and start choosing things for him. He really IS coming!! Now that he has a gender and a name, everything feels so much more real and imminent.
I've determined that I really like transportation and jungle animals. Not sure where that came from, but brightly colored elephants and giraffes and airplanes and trucks are so cute! (The cars thing makes sense-DH is a 4th Generation Car Guy). But man am I a sucker for cute things!
I have a question for you mommies out there: we're also registered at Babies R Us. Babies R Us locations are far and few between in our town. But there are some things they have that Target just doesn't have, so we have both registries open. But in the cases of products that both stores carry, how do you choose which store? We tended toward Target because the stores are more easily accessible but I also know that Babies R Us is more flexible. Thoughts?
I have another question, too. I originally decided that I didn't want a traditional, full sized high chair. Our dining room is small and high chairs are large. I opted instead for a booster style seat that we could just strap to our regular dining room chair. But when we were at Target this weekend, we found this one which converts from a full size to a booster style. So then I thought the flexibility of that one might be nice. We only have 6 dining room chairs, which are easy to fill if we have company over. So I thought having the legs to make the chair freestanding in cases like that and in cases where I might want to feed baby in another room (would I ever want/need to do that?) might be nice. But I can't decide if legs and flexibility are worth the extra $50. Has anyone ever gone exclusively the booster seat route and regretted it?
We're also still deciding between cloth and disposable diapers. How about this-I'll make all the fun and cute decisions...someone else make the rest! :D
Another question: What are your top 5 baby items?
My piece of advice to other moms: don't let your DH carry the scanner gun! :) You never know WHAT you're going to end up with!
I know I'm doing a lot of this early, but we're trying to space out our major purchases, especially since he is coming right after Christmas, when our expenses are traditionally the highest.
The next big decision we have to make is where to bank baby's cord blood. As I mentioned before, this was a non-negotiable of the Genetic Parents. DH and I had originally intended to donate cord blood, because it is rich with stem cells and we had hoped that if scientists have plenty of access to those cells, they'd leave embryos alone. So, that was hard for us to let go of.
We don't have any objection to cord blood banking. We don't have strong opinions on delayed clamping or anything like that that would affect whether or not cord blood banking was an option for us. In reality, it's probably a wise investment considering we don't have any genetic commonalities with our children. That was the main reason Beau and Sheila wanted it--to preserve some genetic "resources" if you will for the children since we are unable to provide them. Has anyone banked their child's cord blood? What company have you used? How did you make that choice and have you been satisfied with it?
Someone asked me this question in a comment on my last post so I thought I'd answer it here:
We may consider EA, as a life-giving option and also because we will most likely not have a biological child. I worry if I could keep going through failed transfers like yourself. I know how hard it was for us to go through 2 failed IVF's. I know the pregnancy makes it all worth it, any encouragement to why EA is worth all even the losses? If you could you answer on your blog, as I still have not opened up that topic on my blog, I would really appreciate it. If you want to email me, let me know.
I believe EA is a calling. I believe it is something that God places on your heart, and then gives you the resources to accomplish. I don't view it as a fertility treatment or even as a strictly family-building endeavor. I and DH both believe with all our hearts that God called us specifically to this and that these children were always ours in His plan for us. Keeping that in mind makes the losses easier to bear because the end goal of glorifying God and being obedient stays the same in both life and death. I'm no saint, trust me. Loss is hard. I have 5 children in Heaven already, and realistically, probably more who will join them. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, and it hurts every time. Quite honestly, I hate that part of this journey. But, when we adopted these babies, we decided to always want the best for them. And if their Creator has numbered the days of some of them to be shorter than the days allotted to their brother, we believe that we have to trust Him with them, regardless of how difficult it is. We believe that He loves them more than we ever could, and that while we miss them, Heaven is all they've ever known, so they're not hurting. Remembering that makes the losses more difficult to bear. Has this journey been hard? Yes. Exceptionally so. Far more than I ever anticipated. But I can say that beyond a shadow of a doubt, it is worth it. By God's grace, we have 12 children. 6 are now out of frozen limbo and He allowed US to make that happen for them. I love that they're not stuck and frozen anymore. And I love this little boy on the way with all my heart. God gives us the strength for both our joys and our sorrows, and there is great comfort in knowing that we are being obedient to His plan for us. I hope that helps, and I'll pray as you consider whether or not EA is what He has for you. Do any of you other EA mommies out there want to chime in for her? Feel free to comment on this post.
Several of my bloggy friends have experienced recent losses after failed FETs--praying for all of you, friends!
Thanks in advance everyone for any feedback you have on any of my questions!