Big decision

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your input on my last post.

After seriously thinking about a lot of the things several of you said, DH and I are at least considering finding a new doctor. But some things other people said are also making me be careful that I don't ditch my doctor in haste.

Those of you who know me in real life will be shocked to hear me say this, but I mean it in earnest: I am a big, fat chicken. I hate interpersonal conflict. I can debate you until the cows come home on an issue but interpersonally, I RUN from conflict. It gives me knots in the pit of my stomach. So the thought of "breaking up" with my doctor stresses me out because I worry about offending him. I've not been more assertive with him because I haven't wanted to argue with him. These are all really dumb things, I know. But as a people-pleaser, they are part of my personality. I've been giving myself this pep-talk over the last few days: "He's not your friend, he's your doctor. He's not your friend, he's your doctor." Lame that I have to actively tell myself that, isn't it.

So I found a couple of recommendations and I have an appointment set up to meet with one next week, and another doctor the week after that. I want to see how those meetings go and see if I click with someone, before I make the decision. If one goes well, THEN I'll transfer. But if they're similar to my current doctor, I'll stay put.

I know some of you must think I'm a terrible mom for even thinking of staying with this doctor, but he's really not terrible. I've been his patient since the month after he opened his practice. As a gynecologist, he was WONDERFUL. He diagnosed my PCOS right away after another doctor couldn't in a year and a half of care. He discovered my cyst that had been paining me for years, and 3 months after I first walked in his doors, he had performed surgery to remove it. He really is the most gentle, mild-mannered doctor on the PLANET. He always was SO careful and patient and delicate during all of my exams. He's also very pro-life, so I always knew that anything he would recommend would be consistent with my values and I never had to second guess.

At the time of my first miscarriage, I'd been experiencing problems leading up to it. I had called the doctor several times, and he pretty much blew me off. A lot of doctors do, especially in early pregnancy. The truth of the matter is that there usually ISN'T a lot that can be done. We've since discovered in my case that an adjustment of my own medications may have helped, but even if it couldn't, no one wants to feel blown off.

In contrast, my current doctor has ALWAYS treated Baby Matthew like a human being. He was never a "product of conception." There was never an attitude of "I won't start caring about him until the second trimester" or anything like that. When I was bleeding, he had me in for an ultrasound, that same day, multiple times. I always felt like even if it was just for my own peace of mind, he treated both me and the baby with dignity. That is so, so important to me. Early pregnancy was so scary for me, and I really felt like I could have as much care as I needed/wanted with this doctor.

I really do like and trust him. And for me, that's really important in a doctor. I feel like if the fundamentals are right, usually the rest falls into place. That's not proving to be the case here, but that's why I've stayed so long because I knew at the core, we were on the same page.

I LOVE the rest of his staff. Seriously LOVE them. Like I want his nurse at my delivery. Considering a LOT of care is actually provided by the office staff, this is a big factor for me, too. I ALWAYS get to talk to my nurse the same day if I need to. In early pregnancy, there were times I called EVERY day. They're compassionate and knowledgeable and again, treated me and Matthew with dignity.

So there's all of that to consider. In a lot of ways he HAS been a WONDERFUL doctor.

But on the other hand, the frustrations I've experienced are maddening. And I've always said that I don't care what religion a person is--I want the best care/service. So I can't place too much emphasis on our common ground if I'm getting substandard care in trade. I just can't decide if I think it's substandard, or if a lot would be solved with a meeting of the minds discussion about communication.

We have a lot to pray about. I want to do what's best for Matthew, and I see a lot of pros and cons on both sides. (Remember what I said about making decisions? I stink at it!)

In other news, we had received a hand-me-down rocker. It broke the other night so we went this week and bought one. It was so COOL to go and sit in all the chairs, and just picture sitting there, rocking Matthew. It was such a quintessential pregnancy experience. I just am so excited for him to get here!

AND, while I was typing all of this, my doctor's office called..............
















I PASSED MY GLUCOSE TEST! I DON'T HAVE GESTATIONAL DIABETES!!!!!!!!!! She said all my bloodwork was "normal" so it wasn't even an "passed by the skin of my teeth" result! This really, truly is a miracle, and I almost cried when she told me. I'm almost crying now, just thinking about it. I am so, so, SO grateful for this news, and I thank you for joining me in my petition before, and in my thanksgiving now!!