Showing posts with label Transfer #5-November 2014. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Transfer #5-November 2014. Show all posts
Monday, December 15, 2014
Miscarriage...Again
I miscarried over the weekend. We've determined that I can't ever go through this again so this is the end of our Embryo Adoption journey. That's all we know now. Thanks for your prayers.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Rescinding
We've all heard of false positives and false negatives when it comes to pregnancy tests, but I have just experienced a
FALSE MISCARRIAGE!
I am so thankful for the God-given gift of maternal instinct, and the prompting of the Holy Spirit that encouraged me to hold out hope, keep taking my medicines, and ask for another test. The repeat test showed that my levels have now *multiplied exactly as they were supposed to* and, from everything we can know right now through lab work, the baby is JUST FINE. We're not sure what I experienced over the weekend or why the levels did what they did and there are some abnormal markers that they really would like to see improve, so we can still really use your fervent prayers, but hope is not lost, and baby is still here and growing!
I am so frustrated that my hand prevents me from typing everything that has happened in the last few weeks (I do my updates on my phone) so I am seriously considering vlogging it because there is so much glory and miracle to tell of!
FALSE MISCARRIAGE!
I am so thankful for the God-given gift of maternal instinct, and the prompting of the Holy Spirit that encouraged me to hold out hope, keep taking my medicines, and ask for another test. The repeat test showed that my levels have now *multiplied exactly as they were supposed to* and, from everything we can know right now through lab work, the baby is JUST FINE. We're not sure what I experienced over the weekend or why the levels did what they did and there are some abnormal markers that they really would like to see improve, so we can still really use your fervent prayers, but hope is not lost, and baby is still here and growing!
I am so frustrated that my hand prevents me from typing everything that has happened in the last few weeks (I do my updates on my phone) so I am seriously considering vlogging it because there is so much glory and miracle to tell of!
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Checking In
Hi All,
I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving! We did, but then
It's my dominant hand so I am super restricted in my activity and can't type easily. Texting is a little easier because I can access the whole keyboard with one hand. But, needless to say, that's why I haven't posted.
I got negative home pregnancy tests every day of my 2ww. Then my beta was yesterday and the doctor called today:
The story of God's journey with my heart this week is pretty incredible and I can't wait to tell it when I can type more.
The reason the home tests were negative is that my blood count hormone is really low. That could mean nothing at all but it could also mean baby is struggling. So we are asking you all to pray with us. Grow baby, grow!
Thanks friends!
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Embryology 101 and Baby's First Photo and Video of our FET
I'm so fascinated by Embryology. The first time we ever met with an RE to discuss Embryo Adoption, he sat us down in his office with this really cool book and told us so much precise, scientific information that I literally walked out with a headache. I was on overload! Over the years I've come to understand it better, so I thought I'd explain some here for anyone interested. Warning, this may be very dry. You've been warned. After the photo below that looks like this, I share details of our last transfer, if you want to skip to that part.
An embryo is, quite literally, the earliest form of human life. It is what is created when a sperm fertilizes an egg. A lot of people use the term embryo and egg interchangeably. They differ in that an egg is not fertilized, and therefore, is not life. The man and the woman, or in this case, their "contributions" to the baby making process, have not come together yet. The embryo is created when the sperm successfully penetrates the egg and fertilizes it and human life begins. It gets a little confusing though because "eggish" terms are used to explain embryos, namely "shell" and "hatching."
An embryo begins as one single cell. The one-celled embryo is called a zygote. The next day, it multiplies to 2 cells and then 4 cells. Then it is called a morula. The third day, it multiplies to 8 cells. By day 5, the cells have multiplied so many times that they all blend together under the microscope and you can't distinguish one cell from another because there are so many. When the embryo reaches this stage, it is called a Blastocyst.
Embryo Transfers are usually done on Day 3 or Day 5. They used to do them on Day 1 and 2 but that is less practiced now. These are also the same days on which embryos can be frozen. For some reason, they don't do transfers or freeze them on Day 4. It has something to do with what's happening in the embryo at that stage of development and you can't interrupt it. Our embryos have always been day 5 embryos. They have been frozen on the 5th day. When they are thawed, the 5th day "resumes" (even if it is now, years later) and then the transfer is later that same day. From all they can tell, there is no difference between 1 day frozen and 10 years frozen. For all intents and purposes, it appears that time quite literally stops.
When an embryo reaches Blastocyst Stage, it needs to break through the "shell" or "ring" you see in the photos above. When it has broken out, the embryo can then grab on to the wall of the uterus and implant and grow in pregnancy. If it doesn't break out, it can't "stick" to the uterus and grow. The breaking out process is called "hatching." As the embryo grows, it becomes a fetus. Ethically, they all mean "baby," or "human," but they describe different ages, much like "toddler" and "teenager" and "elderly."
This is also why the procedure to put the embryo in the woman's body is called a "Transfer" and not an Implantation. They are quite literally "transferring" (moving) the embryo from the vial it was frozen in to the woman's uterus. Whether it actually implants (grabs on, nestles in, burrows down) is up to the embryo and God. It's the same in spontaneously occurring pregnancy. The baby can be made, but it still may or may not implant--it orbits around in the uterus looking for a place to grab on, but it may or may not actually do so. In a Frozen Embryo Transfer, the doctor will "aim" the embryo for the part of the uterus that looks the most favorable, but that's as far as he can take it.
This is a super awesome chart. Enlarge it to read all the way cool information.
Embryos are graded on a scale. There are a few types of systems, but the two clinics we've used and the 3 clinics from our genetic families have all used the same system. My understanding is that this one is the most common. There is a different system for day 3 embryos but I am not familiar with it.
The 5 Day Embryo grading format is Number-Letter-Letter.
The number is a number from a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the most desirable. It indicates the degree to which the embryo has expanded inside its "shell," called the Trophectoderm. A 1 means it hasn't expanded or isn't growing. A 5 means it has hatched out. Our embryo was a 3, meaning it filled 70% of its shell.
Then an embryo receives a letter grading of A-C for the quality of the "Inner Cell Mass" which are the cells that are the baby.
Then it receives a second letter grading of A-C. This grades the quality of the Trophectoderm, the part that in the pictures looks like a shell. The Trophectoderm is what becomes the placenta in the event of implantation.
Our embryo was graded 3AA. Seventy percent expanded, great inner cell mass, great Trophectoderm.
Ethically, these grades don't really mean anything. As long as any cells are alive, I believe an embryo should be transferred. I don't think grades should ever be used to make life or death decisions. But the numbers do tell us where the embryo is at in its stage of development, which I find interesting.
So here is our photo, explained. Though it received a 3AA Grading, the grading was made as soon as it was thawed and the photo was taken a little later. In Reproductive technology, an embryologist will often perform what is called "Assisted Hatching," wherein they make a tiny hole in the Trophectoderm to let the embryo out. That, to my understanding, is what is happening in this photo. The inner cell mass has broken through the Trophectoderm and hatched, and will hopefully be looking for someplace in my uterus to grab on to. The "ring" around the Trophectoderm, is, if I recall correctly, the solution in the dish, and not part of the embryo.
None of my embryo photos have ever looked like this one before. I don't know if mine have never hatched this much, or if this photo was just taken later than the other ones have been taken. The camera is different, so perhaps the process is different. This doesn't really match up to 3AA because 3 means not hatched, so I think the difference is just time.
For reference sake, these were my other embryo photos. This is a great example of how grades don't necessarily correspond to likelihood of further growth or pregnancy. I don't even remember the grades they all got, but they look so different. Lucy and Mary don't look super expanded at time of thaw, but eventually hatched and successfully implanted. Transfer 2's babies totally filled their cavities, but couldn't implant. Matthew looks "average" in expansion and he's happy and healthy here today. Transfer 4 looked great with nice big masses, but didn't result in a pregnancy. So we'll see what happens with this baby. Nevertheless, I'm super intrigued by all the nuances and highly precise information. These babies multiply and divide and grow so aggressively, I just can't understand how anyone thinks they aren't human life. If that's not life with a desire to keep on living, I don't know what is.
So anyway, there's the skinny on all the stuff you never wanted to know about Embryology.
I was pretty drugged up when I posted my last post, so I didn't include details about the transfer itself. Here we go, if you're interested.
The transfer went well. My doctor is a man of few words. I wish I had asked more questions, but the Valium they give you to relax your uterus really puts me out of it. When he told us that one had died in thawing, it was a little like a kick in the gut. In 5 transfers, we've never lost one that way. But he told me as he was lying me down for the transfer so I didn't get to ask any questions or really digest the information. One baby living and one baby dying happened with Matthew--it's a bittersweet thing to digest. I don't want to get myself too upset because my body just needs to chill right now, so I think God is being gracious in keeping that process "shelved" for now. We are sad, but I am comforted to know that baby is with Jesus. He said the transfer went well. It was the quickest and physically easiest one I've ever had. The only thing he really said was that my C-Section scar wasn't in the way. Honestly, the weirdest things are compliments when dealing with infertility ;)
Here is a video if you want to watch. We've never taken video before but we decided that if this worked, when we tell Matthew, we wanted to have something to show him if he wanted.
Watch the area where the red circle is on this still image. You'll see the catheter come in, the embryo released from the catheter, and then the catheter will be removed and the embryo will remain behind, shown as a white oblong shape on the screen. The white is not the embryo itself, but the air the embryo was in. They put them in a little air bubble, in part so that they can see them when doing this procedure because they're so tiny. The black sort of cantaloupe looking shape around the red circle is the uterus. You probably need to full screen the video to be able to see anything.
I came home and slept most of the day. My doctor doesn't believe in bed rest, so I wasn't restricted, but it took a long time for the Valium to wear off. I was still pretty out of it the next day. We stayed with my folks and spent a nice day with them just relaxing. We came home last night. By the evening, I was feeling "twinges" in my abdomen. Today, it had progressed to cramping and pressure, in addition to twinges. Those could be really good signs (this is about when the baby would implant if he or she is going to and those could be signs of that), or they could mean nothing. It's hard not to over analyze everything. Honestly, had I not just had a transfer, I probably wouldn't have even noticed these symptoms. But they were mildly uncomfortable so I just took it easy today, napping, and keeping my feet up (perfect, since my Packers football game was on anyway), and doing chores as I felt ok and then resting again when I got sore again.
My beta is not for a while yet, so all we can do right now is wait. I still feel very much at peace, and with some hope. We'll see how soon before I break down and start testing on a home test. Right now I don't even own any because I never made it to the dollar store in my errands last week, and that's probably a good thing.
That's all the news that's fit to print (and then some). Have a GREAT week!
An embryo is, quite literally, the earliest form of human life. It is what is created when a sperm fertilizes an egg. A lot of people use the term embryo and egg interchangeably. They differ in that an egg is not fertilized, and therefore, is not life. The man and the woman, or in this case, their "contributions" to the baby making process, have not come together yet. The embryo is created when the sperm successfully penetrates the egg and fertilizes it and human life begins. It gets a little confusing though because "eggish" terms are used to explain embryos, namely "shell" and "hatching."
An embryo begins as one single cell. The one-celled embryo is called a zygote. The next day, it multiplies to 2 cells and then 4 cells. Then it is called a morula. The third day, it multiplies to 8 cells. By day 5, the cells have multiplied so many times that they all blend together under the microscope and you can't distinguish one cell from another because there are so many. When the embryo reaches this stage, it is called a Blastocyst.
Embryo Transfers are usually done on Day 3 or Day 5. They used to do them on Day 1 and 2 but that is less practiced now. These are also the same days on which embryos can be frozen. For some reason, they don't do transfers or freeze them on Day 4. It has something to do with what's happening in the embryo at that stage of development and you can't interrupt it. Our embryos have always been day 5 embryos. They have been frozen on the 5th day. When they are thawed, the 5th day "resumes" (even if it is now, years later) and then the transfer is later that same day. From all they can tell, there is no difference between 1 day frozen and 10 years frozen. For all intents and purposes, it appears that time quite literally stops.
When an embryo reaches Blastocyst Stage, it needs to break through the "shell" or "ring" you see in the photos above. When it has broken out, the embryo can then grab on to the wall of the uterus and implant and grow in pregnancy. If it doesn't break out, it can't "stick" to the uterus and grow. The breaking out process is called "hatching." As the embryo grows, it becomes a fetus. Ethically, they all mean "baby," or "human," but they describe different ages, much like "toddler" and "teenager" and "elderly."
This is also why the procedure to put the embryo in the woman's body is called a "Transfer" and not an Implantation. They are quite literally "transferring" (moving) the embryo from the vial it was frozen in to the woman's uterus. Whether it actually implants (grabs on, nestles in, burrows down) is up to the embryo and God. It's the same in spontaneously occurring pregnancy. The baby can be made, but it still may or may not implant--it orbits around in the uterus looking for a place to grab on, but it may or may not actually do so. In a Frozen Embryo Transfer, the doctor will "aim" the embryo for the part of the uterus that looks the most favorable, but that's as far as he can take it.
This is a super awesome chart. Enlarge it to read all the way cool information.
Embryos are graded on a scale. There are a few types of systems, but the two clinics we've used and the 3 clinics from our genetic families have all used the same system. My understanding is that this one is the most common. There is a different system for day 3 embryos but I am not familiar with it.
The 5 Day Embryo grading format is Number-Letter-Letter.
The number is a number from a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the most desirable. It indicates the degree to which the embryo has expanded inside its "shell," called the Trophectoderm. A 1 means it hasn't expanded or isn't growing. A 5 means it has hatched out. Our embryo was a 3, meaning it filled 70% of its shell.
Then an embryo receives a letter grading of A-C for the quality of the "Inner Cell Mass" which are the cells that are the baby.
- A means that there are many cells, tightly packed (this is what they should be doing).
- B means that there are several cells, loosely packed.
- C means that there are very few large cells.
Then it receives a second letter grading of A-C. This grades the quality of the Trophectoderm, the part that in the pictures looks like a shell. The Trophectoderm is what becomes the placenta in the event of implantation.
- A means that there are many cells forming a cohesive layer.
- B means that there are few cells, forming a loose layer.
- C means that there are very few large cells.
Our embryo was graded 3AA. Seventy percent expanded, great inner cell mass, great Trophectoderm.
Ethically, these grades don't really mean anything. As long as any cells are alive, I believe an embryo should be transferred. I don't think grades should ever be used to make life or death decisions. But the numbers do tell us where the embryo is at in its stage of development, which I find interesting.
So here is our photo, explained. Though it received a 3AA Grading, the grading was made as soon as it was thawed and the photo was taken a little later. In Reproductive technology, an embryologist will often perform what is called "Assisted Hatching," wherein they make a tiny hole in the Trophectoderm to let the embryo out. That, to my understanding, is what is happening in this photo. The inner cell mass has broken through the Trophectoderm and hatched, and will hopefully be looking for someplace in my uterus to grab on to. The "ring" around the Trophectoderm, is, if I recall correctly, the solution in the dish, and not part of the embryo.
None of my embryo photos have ever looked like this one before. I don't know if mine have never hatched this much, or if this photo was just taken later than the other ones have been taken. The camera is different, so perhaps the process is different. This doesn't really match up to 3AA because 3 means not hatched, so I think the difference is just time.
For reference sake, these were my other embryo photos. This is a great example of how grades don't necessarily correspond to likelihood of further growth or pregnancy. I don't even remember the grades they all got, but they look so different. Lucy and Mary don't look super expanded at time of thaw, but eventually hatched and successfully implanted. Transfer 2's babies totally filled their cavities, but couldn't implant. Matthew looks "average" in expansion and he's happy and healthy here today. Transfer 4 looked great with nice big masses, but didn't result in a pregnancy. So we'll see what happens with this baby. Nevertheless, I'm super intrigued by all the nuances and highly precise information. These babies multiply and divide and grow so aggressively, I just can't understand how anyone thinks they aren't human life. If that's not life with a desire to keep on living, I don't know what is.
So anyway, there's the skinny on all the stuff you never wanted to know about Embryology.
I was pretty drugged up when I posted my last post, so I didn't include details about the transfer itself. Here we go, if you're interested.
The transfer went well. My doctor is a man of few words. I wish I had asked more questions, but the Valium they give you to relax your uterus really puts me out of it. When he told us that one had died in thawing, it was a little like a kick in the gut. In 5 transfers, we've never lost one that way. But he told me as he was lying me down for the transfer so I didn't get to ask any questions or really digest the information. One baby living and one baby dying happened with Matthew--it's a bittersweet thing to digest. I don't want to get myself too upset because my body just needs to chill right now, so I think God is being gracious in keeping that process "shelved" for now. We are sad, but I am comforted to know that baby is with Jesus. He said the transfer went well. It was the quickest and physically easiest one I've ever had. The only thing he really said was that my C-Section scar wasn't in the way. Honestly, the weirdest things are compliments when dealing with infertility ;)
Here is a video if you want to watch. We've never taken video before but we decided that if this worked, when we tell Matthew, we wanted to have something to show him if he wanted.
Watch the area where the red circle is on this still image. You'll see the catheter come in, the embryo released from the catheter, and then the catheter will be removed and the embryo will remain behind, shown as a white oblong shape on the screen. The white is not the embryo itself, but the air the embryo was in. They put them in a little air bubble, in part so that they can see them when doing this procedure because they're so tiny. The black sort of cantaloupe looking shape around the red circle is the uterus. You probably need to full screen the video to be able to see anything.
I came home and slept most of the day. My doctor doesn't believe in bed rest, so I wasn't restricted, but it took a long time for the Valium to wear off. I was still pretty out of it the next day. We stayed with my folks and spent a nice day with them just relaxing. We came home last night. By the evening, I was feeling "twinges" in my abdomen. Today, it had progressed to cramping and pressure, in addition to twinges. Those could be really good signs (this is about when the baby would implant if he or she is going to and those could be signs of that), or they could mean nothing. It's hard not to over analyze everything. Honestly, had I not just had a transfer, I probably wouldn't have even noticed these symptoms. But they were mildly uncomfortable so I just took it easy today, napping, and keeping my feet up (perfect, since my Packers football game was on anyway), and doing chores as I felt ok and then resting again when I got sore again.
My beta is not for a while yet, so all we can do right now is wait. I still feel very much at peace, and with some hope. We'll see how soon before I break down and start testing on a home test. Right now I don't even own any because I never made it to the dollar store in my errands last week, and that's probably a good thing.
That's all the news that's fit to print (and then some). Have a GREAT week!
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Hello, Baby
Here is the photo of the embryo we transferred. Sadly the other did not survive the thaw, but we are comforted that he or she is with Jesus.
In the meantime this baby looks great. We've never had one who hatched this much before so that was neat to see. Hope we get to meet you in 9 months, baby!
In the meantime this baby looks great. We've never had one who hatched this much before so that was neat to see. Hope we get to meet you in 9 months, baby!
Thursday, November 20, 2014
On the Eve of Frozen Embryo Transfer Five
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Before the first one, I was hopeful, optimistic, expectant. We got pregnant, and I miscarried, and I was confused.
Before the second one, I was cautious, but still hopeful. The transfer failed.
Before the third one, I was detached, but still hopeful, if that makes sense. I felt the least connected with the process itself, but I think as a result, I also felt the most peace. That transfer resulted in the pregnancy with Matthew.
Before our fourth transfer, I was weary, afraid, and cynical.I went through the motions but deep down, I really had zero expectation that it would work. That transfer failed.
This is our fifth and final transfer. I think I'm all of those things, and none of those things. I haven't been counting down the days on the calendar, but I haven't been dreading them, either. I've been aware that the day is approaching, but not anxious. I've been cautious, but not cynical. I've tried to hope, but have not been naive.
I reactivated the posts I deleted before our loss in 2012 so I was able to read some of my thoughts from previous transfers. I suppose this is the benefit people keep talking about with journaling.
The one constant has been God's grace. His grace with His generosity, His grace with His patience, His grace with His guiding, His grace with His compassion, His grace with His companionship, His grace with his provision, His grace with His refining, His grace with His comfort, His grace with His rebuke, His grace with His love. Though my heart has been different on each of these nights, His heart has remained the same. It is one full of desire for His glory, for His salvation, and for His deep love for His children. It has always been true, peaceful, just, merciful, careful, purposeful, and trustworthy. God is faithful, steady, and unchanging.
I think tonight, I feel peace. God's peace. I've caught myself sort of deprecating hope and saying things like "why am I even talking about baby names? This isn't going to work, anyway." And then I've caught myself thinking, "But wait. You don't feel that way anymore." It's a reflex of cynicism and loss, but I don't feel like those things are the primary voice in my head and heart anymore. I've conditioned myself to think that way, but God has loosened me of some of it. I have hope, but not expectation. I have trust, but not fear. I truly have no idea if this is going to result in children in our arms or not, but I am not afraid.
The peace is from the Lord. I've tried to be intentional about asking for it, praying for it, meditating on it, and He has been gracious to answer my prayers, and guide my heart to ask for more. I'm the sort of person who works out her faith through lots of questions and running in circles. And I've come to determine that that won't change, and the fact that I still have those questions doesn't mean I don't or can't have peace. Peace comes with accepting that I may not be able to answer those questions.
We asked our Pastors and Elders to come over to our home and pray with us this week, and they did. I don't think they have some secret batphone to God and I don't want anyone reading this to get the wrong impression. But we are instructed in God's Word to intercede for one another and with one another, and this was a ministry of encouragement and blessing to us, regardless of the outcome. We joined them in praising God's character, His love, His plans, His power, His design. Those things are unaffected by what will come.
So I'd ask you to join us in praying the same way we have been praying. Pray to praise God for His plan and purpose in this procedure, in our lives, in our babies' lives, in Matthew's life, in the doctors' and nurses lives, and in the lives of the Genetic Parents and Siblings. I'd ask you to pray for comfort for the Genetic Family, for wisdom and skill for the doctors, and for peace for us as we wait for, and then accept whatever the answer is. I ask you to pray that the Holy Spirit continue to help us worship and trust and believe, no matter what comes. I ask you to pray for God's peace for us, and most of all, to pray for His glory to be revealed and magnified.
And please give a little one in your life a hug for me, to wish my girls a Happy Birthday. Saturday is their 6th birthday in Heaven. The timing of this transfer has not been lost on me, but we trust God in His timing, too.
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