After we lost our girls, I developed an impression of how I expected to feel the next time I was ever pregnant. I expected that keep my feet up, hold my breath, and live in constant fear that the worst would happen all over again. When you experience loss, it's only natural to fear its recurrence.
So I guess that since I got the positive tests on Monday, I've sort of been waiting for the other shoe to drop in terms of my emotions. I've expected fear to take over and have tried to be on my guard against it.
But God, in His never ending compassion and love and generosity, continues to quell every fiber of my heart and mind and being with His peace. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced. He's truly teaching me what it means to live as though I believe that tomorrow has enough troubles of its own, and so I will rest today in Him. I can truly say that I'm not worried. And it's not that I don't think anything can or will happen. I am fully aware of the fact that God can call these babies home any moment. But I'm also fully aware that if He does, He'll fully sustain us with everything we need to walk through that loss and that He'll use it for His glory and ministry among His people.
I'm a worry-wart and a control freak by nature. So all glory is unto God for this Supernatural peace, for it could not possibly and does not come from within myself.
In the mean time, by and because of His grace, we're concentrating on enjoying the growing life in me and thanking God for each precious day we have. DH kisses both me and my belly hello, goodbye, good morning, goodnight, whatever. It's so cute.
God knows what their futures hold, and what ours hold too. We refuse to let Satan use fear and history to rob us of that confidence and joy.
Celebrating today...
I am so, so happy and thrilled for you!!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats!!!
Great perspective, Jen. I'm so encouraged by your faith. I'm continuing to pray for your little one(s) continued growth. :)
ReplyDeleteCelebrating right along with you!
ReplyDeleteYou are an encouragement to so many! Your faith is solid my friend!
ReplyDeleteYour faith truly is an inspiration to me each and every day...Thank You for being so strong when I am so weak.
ReplyDeleteOh-and the control freak thing-you'll learn to give a lot of that up once the baby(ies) get here. I was a control freak and have given up 90% of it once I realized I was no longer in control, no matter how hard I tried and now I just laugh at myself when I find myself trying to control my 18 month old angel/devil!
Congratulations Jen! I just "saw" the news. I am agreeing in prayer with you and so many others that this child (or children) lives many days on this earth!
ReplyDeleteHi Jen I am not sure if you remember me but I met you when I first started blogging almost 2 years ago now I think.You were one of the first women to reach out to me at the time.I followed you through your journey and still have off and on since you moved your blog.I would love to be in touch again.Congrats in your latest news I am so excited for you!!!! A lot has happened since you last followed my blog we used donor embies and became pregnant in april 2009.I gave birth december 2010 to our precious miracle.Please feel free to follow my blog I would love to hear from you again and follow your journey too.How exciting I have been waiting for this for you I have never forgotten you this whole time......((hugs)) -Megan http://angelwingsbaby.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteYES, I'm the same way! 34 weeks pregnant and STILL waiting for the shoe to drop. We MUST rely on OUR FATHER to give us the peace we need to get through-its so hard though! HUGS!
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