Matthew and I had another fight last night over who was going to get to occupy/control my back. Thankfully, it wasn't as intense or long-lived as the first episode, and it wasn't also accompanied by front contractions.
This is such a weird time. On the one hand, I'm just ITCHING for him to get here. On the other hand, I'm so overwhelmed by the thought of it that I think I could take another 9 months just wrapping my head around it! (Though to be clear, I never want to be pregnant for 18 consecutive months! Did you know that elephants are pregnant for 24 months?? I'm glad I'm not an elephant!)
It's the same thing with birth. After those two episodes, I was really proud of how much I was able to remember about pain management techniques, different positions, relaxation, focus, etc, even while in the heat of the moment and screaming in pain. And DH was a champ, making suggestions, doing anything I asked or needed, staying up with me, etc. And after the fact, I got a little bolster of self-confidence--"I can do this!" But on the other hand, while it was happening, it hurt so, so, SO badly, and it wasn't even the real thing. In the heat of the moment I was definitely thinking, "I can't do this!! Make it stop! Give me drugs!" So that overwhelms me a little. I'm trying to not think about it because it scares me. Do you ever get to a point before the first time where you're not afraid of birth?
I printed out a ton of scriptures on papers to tape around the wall in the hospital room during labor. I'm trying to focus on them now--I don't need to be trapped by this fear! Women do this every day and God designed our bodies for it...I don't know why it overwhelms me as much as it does!
These are the verses I printed out. Does anyone have any other suggestions?
“I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.
The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
In my anguish I cried to the Lord and he answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise...
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.
~1 Samuel 1: 27-28
A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generation. I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself.”
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
~2 Corinthians 12:9
Be still, and know that I am God.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I sought the Lord, and He answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak…those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
~Isaiah 40:28-29, 31
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart…”
Listen to this… stop and consider God’s wonders.
We have a praise on DH. He's finally starting to feel better. He still has no energy at all, but the violent coughing he was experiencing has mostly subsided, so he rests better, breaths better, and isn't so sore. He was able to work for a few hours today, which was a blessing because he's self-employed and he was starting to stress about all the weeks of work he's missed.
I'm partially packed for the hospital. Again, I keep going back and forth between "Oh my goodness, I have to get this done NOW" and "eh, I've got time." And I don't want to be THAT woman who bring EVERYTHING, but I also don't want to be "man, I really wish I had _________" either.
This is what's in my bag for labor. Do you have any additional suggestions?
Birthing Tub with pump
Cord Blood Kit
Birthing Ball (hospital said to bring your own because they don't have enough)
Camera with extra memory, and battery charger
Massage Aides with extra batteries
Spare Cell Charger
Corn Bag (bag full of corn kernels-you microwave the whole thing for heat)
Scriptures and scotch tape
Warm Socks (I hate cold feet!)
Flip Flops for Shower
Bra/Bikini Top to labor in
Bathing Suit for DH
Ipod with charger and little speaker
Baby Book to stamp his footprints and handprints in
Water bottle for contraband water
Battery operated fan (I'm always hot!)
ETA: Snacks (I had this on my list but forgot to type it)
For post-partum I have:
My meds, DH's meds
My own pjs, undergarments, etc
PJs and change of clothes for DH
Clothes for Matthew
Going home clothes for me and Matthew
Scrapbook paper for hospital visitors to sign
Phone numbers to call (in case we forget our cells)
Not much else is new here--trying to nest as I have energy, which is not much these days. We do have Matthew's room mostly done! Want to see?
Disclaimer--all the furniture is brown, though some of it looks black
His dresser will go on the far right wall, perpendicular to the window and will double as a changing table. When we are able, we'll buy his bedding set and the quilt will hang on the wall over the dresser until he's old enough to use it. We have a recliner that will actually replace that chair, but right now the recliner lives in our room and will until Matthew starts sleeping in his crib at night. I can't wait to sit in that corner with him and read to him, nurse him, snuggle him in our comfy chair.
His little toy/book shelf. It's just so happy! (Disclaimer, I know to take the plastic off the lampshade! We're just not sure if we're keeping it or not)
This is the bedding we chose. Isn't it cute?
We need to leave for class soon so I have to sign off so I'll just close by embarrassing myself:
37 weeks and a snapshot of how we spend most Sunday afternoons during football season:
And, I may regret or posting this for all the interwebs to see, but here we are in all our goofiness. Yes, I do wear my cheesehead IRL when we're going somewhere to watch the game. And my friend gave me that baby cheesehead for Matthew (though I don't actually wear it strapped to my belly). :D I wanted a picture of our silliness. Matthew better come out holding a "Go, Pack, Go!" sign! Last week, DH and my mom caught me singing to him in the bathtub. I didn't realize they could hear me. It normally wouldn't be so bad...I was singing "Jesus Loves Me" and "You are my Sunshine" and "Skittamarinkeedinkeydink" and "Arky Arky" but then I proceeded to sing him the NFL Song. I think that's when they lost it. Hey, what can I say. Like every other true Packer fan, I take my football seriously! So, without further ado, enjoy a laugh at my expense....Nobody send that to that uncomfortable family photos site!
I embarrass my dog, too.
Last but not least, the 37 week synopsis!
It’s the calm before the storm. Changes in your baby's weight have leveled off with only a few ounces of fat added this week. At this point your baby should weigh in at around 6.3 lbs and 19 inches (with boys somewhat heavier and longer than girls). Happily, as far as internal organs go, they are now developed enough to function in the outside world although the oh-so-important immune system is still developing and will continue to do so after birth. With a large boost of antibodies provided by breast milk when nursing begins. Fighting infection and staying healthy should be well within their physical capacity when your little fighter is born.