Saturday, January 5, 2008

Just checking in

Thank you to all of you who have checked in on us in my absence of posting. I hope this finds you enjoying a Happy New Year.

I haven't posted for lack of anything profound, interesting or even new to say. I realize that what I say is not always or even usually profound, but I would so much like it if I had something to say today that was different than what I said yesterday. Methinks I'm just supposed to sit and stew in the current state of affairs and really internalize those lessons that are oh-so-easy to write about, and less so to actually adopt.

DH and I spent most of New Year's weekend sleeping. I don't know if it was just the cease in the emotional momentum but a few days to ourselves came along and "Wham!" we were both more exhausted than we could remember having been. We literally slept most of the day and most of the night of all of our 4 days of time together. Part of me was a little disappointed that we weren't out conquering the world together, but I am so glad for the rest, especially for DH. We did spend a few hours of every day shutterbugging--you can see the pictures by clicking on my flickr collage ----> DH picked up the other camera has now caught the bug too and so that was a lot of fun for us both.

I'm a little worried about me. I'm so tired all the time. I sleep a lot, and I have a hard time getting up the energy or motivation to do anything. Then the amount of work that piles around me overwhelms me even more and the cycle perpetuates itself. I just want to be released from this. I hate feeling exhausted all the time. The last of our birthday parties and functions have finally ended today so I'm hoping to get back in to the gym routine I established before my brother's fire and I hope that will help me. My sister in law suggested that it could be some depression but I don't feel sad or worried--it's just that I'm so weary! So I'd love your prayers for release from this. Thankfully, I have a DH who is patient with me!

There's nothing really to report on the visit to the new doctor's office. We went and turned in the ridiculously long (and personal) questionnaire and gave the sample for the test, and now we just wait. I don't know if they'll notify us of the results over the phone or if the doctor will tell us when we see him later in the month.

DH has asked me to keep specifics of the current problem we're trying to address private so I'm going to try to honor that by speaking vaguely while asking you for specific prayer requests.

Would you please pray that the results of this new test we just took are exactly the opposite of the first test of its kind that we took. An affirmative answer of this prayer would take a miracle and we're asking for one.

Would you also pray that if the results are the same, that the doctor would swiftly find the cause of the problem. Would you also pray that it would be a cause that can be easily fixed in such a way to restore the broken parts to proper function. Please also pray that whatever the cause is, is not indicative of a more serious, health jeopardizing problem.

Whether a problem never existed and the tests were wrong or if there is a problem but it is corrected, it is our heart's prayer that we would be able to naturally conceive a child that is biologically ours.

We know these requests are big and specific and we know that God's answer could be "no" but at least we ask.

Would you also pray that if the answer to all of the above is "no," that we would be given wisdom, guidance and unity on what procedures, if any to pursue. One book we are reading suggested that we outline which procedures we are ethically comfortable with before we need to make a decision so that they can be as objective as possible. We are so far from knowing what we may need to do medically and we still lack a lot of specifics about our diagnoses so it's hard to make all the decisions but we have at least started. There are a couple ideas that excite us a lot and a couple others that right now we are not in agreement on (and I think for the first time ever, DH is the more liberal of the two of us on one issue in particular!--that's been interesting!) So we would appreciate your prayers for harmony and peace.

We also pray that through it all we would make decisions that honor God and honor life. We pray that this doctor (whom we don't know to be a Christian) would honor our commitments and help guide us in a way that is supportive of that, rather than in a manner that attempts to persuade us toward something else. We pray that we would have all the relevant facts to make our decisions and that they would be made available to use in language, relevance and ramifications we can fully understand.

We pray for protection of our hearts. We pray that fertility would not become our god and that above all, we would seek and Honor God and His will for us, whatever that may be.

Have a great week, everyone!


  1. It is so wise to consider what you are willing to do before the heat of the moment causes you to override your concerns. I hope that your doctor is receptive, respectful, and willing to work with whatever steps you decide to take!

  2. i realized i never left a comment. i've been praying and will continue to pray for you this week....

  3. Hey Jen, depression doesn't always manifest as sadness. Extreme weariness, lethargy, and even illness are also symptoms (and tend to occur in people like ourselves who just go go GO and ignore what might be sadness, if that makes sense). It might be worth going to a doctor and asking some questions.