I went in for my ultrasound this morning. (Don't worry, this post isn't about the baby-so far as I know, everything is fine, but we have to wait for results from the doctor).
While I was there, I pulled the nurse and the Office Manager aside and told them some of my concerns and that the main reason I continued to treat with him was because of THEM, not him, and did they have any suggestions for ways I could better communicate with him. They both encouraged me to just sit down and have a heart to heart with him about my concerns and tell him this isn't working and that I need him to communicate better. They encouraged me (gently) to try to fix the problem first, rather than just cutting and running. Well, you can imagine how my anti-confrontational self took THAT. But they were right. I have a longstanding relationship of care with this guy, he is a fellow believer, and I think that I owe it to myself, to the baby, and to the professional relationship, and to our mutual existence in the body of Christ to address the issue, regardless of whether or not it results in my staying his patient. Honestly, continuity of care IS my preference. At the end of the day, the fact that he's been my doctor for 5 years and Matthew's doctor for most of his little life still means something to me and my peace of mind, and I can't replicate that in 12 weeks with some other doctor.
The fact is that I don't have peace about staying and I don't have peace about leaving. I called a lot of OBs and I never found another who had exactly what I was looking for, so I do recognize that some of this just may be me needing to adjust my expectations.
So anyway, the meeting is in an hour. And my stomach is churning. Would you join me in praying for the meeting? Please pray that the meeting is productive, that I have the right words to voice my concerns, that I can do so objectively and without hormones and fatigue complicating things, and that we'd walk away with really strong direction on whether we should stay or go.
The ultrasound was performed by a tech, who couldn't tell us anything other than facts. He said the fluid level measured average, and that baby's size was 4 days ahead of my due date. He couldn't tell us if any of that was good or bad (I'm assuming it's normal?) or if he saw anything else concerning, but I'm hoping the doctor will be able to tell us that in this meeting, too.