Monday, July 6, 2009


I started this post on 6.26.09. I didn't have anything else to write, but I wanted to make sure the sentiment was shared.

First, thank you to everyone for your kind words about Mother's Day. I really wasn't trying to be a brat about it or make anyone feel bad. In my head I was just playing back a recording of how things had been--matter of fact, recitation. I didn't mean it as a guilt issue at all! I apologize if it came across that way.


Today, July 6, 2009

Dear friends,
My heart is in despair right now. The grief of missing my girls overwhelms me and the pain grows only stronger as their due date approaches. Time had quenched some of the fire, but the knowledge that I should be preparing to hold them in my arms but instead have an empty belly and empty arms, breaks my heart right now. I am crying out to God but I confess the hurt and loneliness feels new all over again. In recent weeks I felt like the mourning season was coming to an end and now I feel like it has just begun. All I did today was read and pray and cry and sleep. I've half heartedly attempted our household bookkeeping tonight, but I only go a few minutes before the tears start again. Oh, how I miss them!

Several people have mentioned that they wanted to say something, or ask me how we're doing or ask me about the girls, but didn't know if they could, or should.

I can't speak for every grieving mom, but for me, someone mentioning them helps. It helps me to know they and we are not forgotten. So please, always feel free to ask if you want. If you don't want to ask for your own sake, that's ok, but know it's always ok with me if you do want to. Silence hurts worse than any questions...

I love you all.



  1. Jen-
    Praying for you and Todd especially this month, thanks for sharing your heart of love for your little ones.

  2. Jen, thanks for sharing this. I'm so sorry you don't have your girls with you right now.

    I just have to say that what you wrote didn't strike me as a guilt-trip at all. I've been thinking a lot lately about how we never really know what burdens others carry - sort of the idea you see in Narnia when Aslan says that he only ever tells people their own stories. (Or, better, what Jesus says to Peter about John: "What is that to thee? You follow me.") I don't think that you sharing your hard times should be seen by anyone as a comment on their own lives - they deal with what God gives them just like you deal with what God gives you. The best we can do for each other is listen and support and pray - I think you should feel free to share your sorrows just as much as your joys - and I'm glad you do, because even if it's your story and not mine, it's a privilege to listen to what you're willing to share.