Thursday, August 7, 2008


This is the part of the process I knew would come and which I was dreading a little bit. It's that time when we're waiting and have nothing more to do to speed up the process. We've done absolutely everything we can do and have done all of our preparations. Now we're just waiting on other people and the parts they each play in moving this process along.

And let me tell you! It's difficult not to be impatient. Every day I resist the temptation to call Megan just to see if she might say "oh by the way, everything's done!"

I'm looking forward to vacation next week and hopefully that will take my mind off of things but I had hoped to be able to sign contracts first so that the time we're gone isn't lost but I've decided I just need to let that go.

It's difficult to wait because everything else came so quickly. But our ticker passed 6 months a few days ago and it just reminded me of how long we really have been waiting for this. On one hand, a few more months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of years. But January marks 5 years since we decided we were "Open to Life" (neither preventing pregnancy nor actively trying for it).

It's hard because I want to be celebrating motherhood but it's not here yet. I catch myself looking at maternity clothes and baby clothes and having to literally remind myself "oh, not yet." It's amazing to me how subtly and naturally that transition occurred, even though it did so prematurely.

From a practical standpoint it's frustrating because we can't plan anything. DH has a bee in his bonnet about moving, our families want to make Christmas plans, we have to decide how much to put in our FSA next year, etc, etc, etc. For a major type A planner, all of this unknown is aggravating! I live in a state of "I don't know yet." I wish I could say that life will be the same if I get pregnant so I should just plan accordingly but I also know that we've waited for this so long, and PCOS poses such a high risk of miscarriage in addition to that, that I'm not sure that I'm really going to want to do much of anything but stay put and let baby cook. I'm not planning on being a nervous nelly about pregnancy but I'm also trying to plan for what I know about my personality and be realistic about my expectations for that time when it comes.

I'm sure somewhere in all of this waiting there's a good lesson to be learned. I sort of feel like we've done enough waiting already--how could there possibly be anymore waiting lessons left? (I kid, I kid...sort of ;) ) I know it will all come in due time but today I just found myself missing our babies. How I wish they were here with us already!


  1. DON'T tell me you guys are moving too!!!!!!!

    Seriously, though - you're not, are you??? That would stink!!!

    You mention worrying (once you get pg) - sometimes I think that's all pregnancy is about!!! :) The only reason I didn't worry the 1st trimester was because I was too sick to bother with it. But I started up as soon as I felt better and haven't stopped since!!

    I know what you mean about waiting - it stinks. We've been doing a ton of it with the house search - a year of it! We hope you guys won't have to wait much longer for this process to finish up.

    We are so glad that the process has gone smoothly this far, though, and we can't wait to meet the first of your little ones very soon!!


  2. Once you're pregnant, I think you'll soon realize that you will be a nervous nelly. There's things you start to worry about that never occurred to you before. And something that's hard for a planner...nothing ever happens like you'd expect! :) Happy thoughts going your way!

  3. I totally know what you mean about often the waiting is the hardest part. Especially when it involves having making planning difficult when you like to plan and organize like you and I do! You are in a unique situation of waiting as well - and I can only imagine how tricky and difficult that must be at times. I hope time starts to fly by and you are spending your days nursery planning and maternity shopping in no time :-) ((hugs))

  4. ha! Waiting lessons. You sound just a like a parent. You will be a good mom!

  5. I think I am really emotional right now because I am in the middle of our Frozen Embryo cycle. We did IVF once and we lost our babies and we currently have 16 frozen embryo babies. I guess I probably misunderstood what you were saying, and I know you are entitled to your opinion, but I feel like you were saying people who do IVF are somehow sinning or something and God maybe only wants us to have a baby the natural way or not at all? I hope I am wrong. I feel hurt because we have embryo babies that we love with all of our hearts. We plan on using all of our babies. We will never get rid of them! We love them. If you were saying that IVF is wrong and against the Bible, here is my opinion.... God gave us the knowledge to create new procedures and technologies so that we could use them. If he didn't want people to do ivf, people wouldn't have babies through ivf. Also, without people doing IVF, you wouldn't have your precious little embryo. Please forgive me if I come across as harsh and if I have misunderstood what you were saying, please let me know. I was incredibly emotional and I felt a little hurt when I read this. I know that what I feel in my heart is true. Ivf may not be for everyone, but I feel like this is what God wants us to do at this point.

    Anyways, good luck with everything. I am sorry if I sounded rude. I just am trying to understand what you were saying.


  6. Okay, I didn't mean for it to sound like what you were saying was wrong and I typed out this response quite a while after I read your blog, so I am sure that I must've misunderstood and took things in a way they weren't meant to be taken. You have a right to your opinions and you have a right to say what you feel in your heart is true. I hope that I didn't hurt your feelings by writing what I wrote. I wish you the BEST OF LUCK in everything you chose to do on your journey to becoming a parent. We are all in the same boat, sometimes we just chose to use different methods to accomplish the same goal - to have a family!

    Again, good luck!

  7. I wish you the BEST OF LUCK in everything you chose to do on your journey to becoming a parent.

    And the same to you! I can't wait to see where God takes both of our families! =)