If you think of it, would you pray for my friend Diana? She's pregnant with #4 and she gets HG (the awful morning sickness from H-E-double-hockey-sticks that I had) with each pregnancy. She seems to be doing a little better this time around, so far, but it's still awful, especially when you have two little kids to care for. Diana was a huge source of encouragement and information for me during my pregnancy--there were many times I just called her in tears, asking her how she got through this and if she had any suggestions of something I hadn't yet tried. As y'all know from this blog, HG wreaks havoc on everything-your body, your mind, your spirit, your relationships, your marriage, your household. It's no way to live. A baby is a great source of celebration, and it's so hard to appreciate it when you're in the throws of throwing up a kazillion times per day. Would you join me in praying that God will grant her a miraculous, permanent reprieve from this awful condition through this pregnancy?
Speaking of reprieves, I think I might have one from this sluggishness I've been struggling with. I saw my doctor this week and it turns out that my thyroid level is 9. It's supposed to be between 0-2. I don't really know 0-2 WHAT, nor do I really know much more about it, but apparently, hypothyroidism runs in my family (3 generations of women have had it) so we'll see if it helps. I was on thyroid medication during my last transfer and pregnancy per the direction of my RE, but then at my postpartum checkup, levels were back to normal. I guess things have started to level out back to where they are on their own, and in my case, that's needing help. I've only taken the medication for 2 days but I'm starting to notice a tiny difference. Matthew gave me a rough night on the first night, but today I haven't felt quite so dead on my feet. We'll see. I know remarkably little about hypothyroidism or the medicine and have just rather blindly trusted my doctor for lack of energy or time to research much yet. I'm hoping that if/when I feel a bit better, I can take a more active roll in finding a long-term solution. My doctor said he thinks the exhaustion was begetting a lot of the psychological issues. So, I'll be on it for 6 weeks, have a blood draw, adjust if necessary, then see him 6 weeks after that. If nothing else, I'm glad to be trying SOMETHING. Anything has got to be better than the way I am now!
Matthew-man turned 5 months old this week! One of my friends said that she thought I might be struggling with depression. She said that maybe I built motherhood up to be so wonderful and that maybe I've been disappointed with its actuality. I can say with 100% honesty that that's not true. Aside from the sleepless nights, I really DO love everything about it. It's all I've hoped for, and more. I find myself even enjoying the mundane more--dishes, laundry, errands, etc, are all more fun with my little man in tow or with him as the reason for them. Really truly.
But I do find myself having SERIOUS anxiety over the fact that he's getting bigger and older so quickly. I know everyone says "oh, they get big so fast," but this is more than that! I literally have nightmares about it, or catch myself misty-eyed. I feel like I'm not handling the speed at which he's growing very well. I HATE that we only get this time with him once, and that it's going so quickly. I feel like I'm unreasonably anxious about this! If only the time WITH him could pass as slowly as the time WAITING for him did. A lot of people say they aren't baby people. But I really AM. I ADORE having him this little. A friend gave us the book "If I Could Keep You Little." I read it to him, and then I said "That's stupid! I want to keep you little anyway!" I'm speaking partially in jest, but I really am stressing about this. He's already beyond the point where he likes to snuggle with me or fall asleep in my arms, and I miss it so much! Ah, I'm tearing up writing this! So anyway, I really need to learn how to savor each moment, rather than spend part of the time I have it mourning that it's almost gone already. But in the mean time, if anyone has a time-freezer-machine, can I borrow it? I'm so thankful that God and my hubby have allowed me the opportunity to stay home with him and to really get to have every little minute with him. All those days I just sat in the recliner with him, snuggling. I cherish them so much, and I know I am blessed to have ever even had that opportunity.
My OB's wife is pregnant. I am SO excited for them! He asked me at my appointment, "What's the best part [of parenthood]?" I had to think for a minute. Really, I am in that gushy, "it's all wonderful" stage, still (again, aside from the sleep deprivation thing). But if I had to pick a favorite? First, it's getting to understand a different side of God, and a different part of my relationship with him. Diana's husband used to gush about that all the time when their son was first born, and in the throws of infertility, I just blew it off. And while I certainly don't think that my relationship with God is any BETTER or MORE meaningful than a non-parent's relationship with Him is, it's just DIFFERENT now than it was before for me. Just like it was different when I went from single to married. And in 7 years of infertility, it was different too, and I know it was different than my fertile-myrtle friend's relationships with and understanding of Him are. Isn't it wonderful that He is evident in so MANY ways? In so many areas of our lives? In so many unique situations? I think it's incredible that Who He is to me is so different than Who He is to you or to anyone else, and yet He IS the same. He is unchanging, stable, perfect, steady. I just think it's neat that every now and again, He gives us another window to look through--another facet of the jewel glistening back at us.
The other best part is just learning who we are as a family of 3. I've loved my hubby now for nearly 11 years, (married for 8 this Tuesday-Happy Anniversary, Hunny!) and yet watching him in his fatherhood has given me so many new things to love about him. I love the way the two of us make a team, and the three of us are just a little unit. I've always loved doing life with Todd, and it's even more wonderful now doing life with 3 instead of 2.
Man, I'm rambly tonight!
Hmmm, back to Matthew. He turned 5 months old this week! He weighed 17lbs, 7.5ounces, putting him smack at the 75% percentile for the WHO chart. Putting him in that Jumperoo seems to have slowed the growth of his thunder-thighs just a bit ;)
Yesterday (6/25), we had our first giggles! The dog is seriously protective of Matthew and HATES when we bring him in the pool. He runs all around the edge of the pool, making sure the baby is ok. Todd decided to exploit this and tease the dog. He'd hoist the baby up out of the water and sort of lunge him toward Lewis. Lewis would bark. Matthew thought that was HILARIOUS. Giggled and giggled and giggled forever. It just melted my heart all over the place. I'm trying to get it on tape, but so far, he hasn't done it again. But golly, it's even cuter and more captivating than I imagined it would be.
Well, there's my all-over-the-place update for the evening!
Here are some pictures from the week:
Their first Father's Day together
Superhero Flying Lessons
A boy and his dog--both equally interested in knowing what the other was doing
5 Month Pic:
Retake the next day to get his whole body:
G'night!
