tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post4983415399385433634..comments2024-02-25T21:04:09.828-08:00Comments on Sunshine and Snowflakes: Mama BearJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13491687007971233290noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-23624953927408764542008-06-30T14:01:43.032-07:002008-06-30T14:01:43.032-07:00Comments about conceiving and biological "rea...Comments about conceiving and biological "real" (eek) parents make me cringe and I am pregnant. I take every opportunity to tell people that biology doesn't make a a parent and that my husband and his wonderful parents are the perfect example of this. I think you need to call your pastor on this one. And good for you for wanting to get into the world of advocacy! May you be blessed.Mrs. Shoeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10838190146836439751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-41549787772076867622008-06-30T14:26:16.971-07:002008-06-30T14:26:16.971-07:00First off: selling children's pretty despicabl...First off: selling children's pretty despicable. Ick, how awful.<br><br>Second: I don't see how any Christian could denigrate adoption, when it's such a prime, consistant metaphor for God's relationship with us. We're adopted into his family. If adoptive children aren't real children, well, boy are we in trouble!<br><br>But - and I hesitate to say this, because I may say it badly - adoption's necessary because we live in a fallen world. We live in a world where our bodies don't work right (I think of all the medical intervention my girls and I had to go through this past year - in a perfect world it wouldn't have been needed, right?) and where parents sometimes abandon their children. That's what makes adoption necessary. So, maybe some of the bias you fear isn't so much bias, as it is acknowledgement of an imperfect world. That adoption exists due to some very real flaws in this fallen world.<br><br>I guess you could compare it to a lesser case: c-sections vs. vaginal births. There are some people who argue that the former aren't "real" births. Well, they are. My twins (born via c-section) are just as much my kids as my older two (born vaginallY). But people have a real point when they say that c-sections aren't ideal. They aren't. They're harder on the baby, harder on the mom. In a perfect world, you wouldn't need them.<br><br>But am I glad they exist? Yes! Because my girls wouldn't have gotten here without that particular operation! Their true-knotted cords would have pulled tight and killed them (which makes me sick just to type).<br><br>And your kids wouldn't get here without adoption. We go through what we have to in order to get our kids safely here. That's just what parents do.<br><br>Anyway, to get back to my way-too-extended metaphor, is a world where c-sections and adoptions are necessary to get our kids safely here ideal? No! But - in either case - that lack of idealness matters very little once the kids are safely here. My scar twinges now and then, and I bet yours (those remarks you hear here and there) will too.<br><br>But your kids will be YOUR kids, just like mine are mine - and the ones who arrived here via surgery just as much as the ones who arrived here naturally. God redeems this fallen world, and he lets us help.Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17185831697537364088noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-46020883344935207902008-06-30T14:43:34.419-07:002008-06-30T14:43:34.419-07:00Jess-that's the same discussion Todd and I had...Jess-that's the same discussion Todd and I had last night. In a perfect world, there wouldn't be a need for adoption. Children would always be loved, wanted and cared for by their biological parents and none of those parents would die until all of their children were adults. I recognize adoption is a necessary "evil" (and it kills me to type that!) But now that it does exist and our kids are here and in real need, I can't think of them or us for them as a second best. It's almost a confusing sort of double standard--acknowledging God's perfection and original plan, but also respecting the now existing results of deviation from that plan. It is quite the conundrum to be in and part of our discussion last night was how to balance that...Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13491687007971233290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-40491975104477857502008-06-30T14:52:22.656-07:002008-06-30T14:52:22.656-07:00Would you be brave enough to talk to your pastor a...Would you be brave enough to talk to your pastor about what he said? He might not even be aware of how his words are skewed and how much he's hurting those who are struggling to conceive.I Believe in Miracleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07062124038472752680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-32051287399969682072008-06-30T14:52:22.655-07:002008-06-30T14:52:22.655-07:00I'm confused, because why would people pity yo...I'm confused, because why would people pity your kids, unless you upfront mention to everyone you meet that they were adopted? Most people will assume that you just gave birth to them. And who feels bad for adopted kids, anymore? Adopted kids are lucky, because their parents CHOSE them.Amanda Maenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-58083196223600707272008-06-30T17:49:44.334-07:002008-06-30T17:49:44.334-07:00I probably won't talk to my pastor because he&...I probably won't talk to my pastor because he's on sabbatical and won't be back until September...it seems a little silly at that point. It didn't offend me so much as it led me down a trail of thinking about biases in general.<br><br>Amanda--no, we don't intend to "advertise" our adoption and we certainly will never say "hi, this is our adopted daughter _______." But our entire church does know about our adoption journey, and our child will know so I imagine he or she will share it from time to time. We don't plan to advertise the adoption but we don't plan to conceal it either. We imagine it will just be one of the many things that make up our child.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13491687007971233290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-39193234070922309562008-06-30T19:31:05.022-07:002008-06-30T19:31:05.022-07:00you WILL be the mother...conception or not! my hus...you WILL be the mother...conception or not! my husband was adopted and i often forget b/c he loves his parents so much as they do him. adoption is such an important thing, and it takes very special people!WISHING...HOPING...and PRAYINGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17256916621311885104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-49601136710953274172008-06-30T22:31:54.346-07:002008-06-30T22:31:54.346-07:00Hi Mama Bear - Your thoughts here just made me thi...Hi Mama Bear - <br><br>Your thoughts here just made me think of my Birth Day post-- I hope it didn't contribute to your frustration. <br><br>I heard a similar message on Mother's Day that made me look over at my own mom and cringe. Maybe my mom couldn't conceive me and carry me in her belly, but no one else could have been up at 3 am with me, cleaned up my vomit, or shuttled me around to every practice and lesson a girl could sign up for. The actual birth (while amazing and a true miracle!) is just the beginning. And I couldn't have asked for better parents, biological or not. <br><br>Jen, you ARE a Mama Bear. You've been a mother for as long as I've known you. You just don't have children yet. And when you DO have them, they won't be second-best. They are YOUR children, selected by God to be raised by you-- they just happen to not share your biology. Don't let anyone think differently. <br><br>Which actually reminds me: My parents told EVERYONE about their adoption journey before I was born, but I can remember elders in the church coming up to me in high school and saying, "I remember when your mom was pregnant with you" and "You look just like your dad". I used to think that meant all those people had memory problems; now I realize that they just identify me as being my parents' child-- they didn't remember how I got there. <br><br>I'm so glad that Embryo Adoption has someone like you as an advocate! You've done a great job explaining it on your site, and I think sharing your experiences will make you a great resource for other couples out there. Have you thought about writing an article (or series of articles) for a magazine? I bet Christian family magazines would be interested; there's got to be hundreds of Christians who have done IVF and aren't sure about what to do with their embryos. And I bet Biola magazine would love to publish your story. <br><br>Sorry for the long comment! I'll be thinking about you Wednesday, hoping the meeting with the genetic parents goes well!Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16029775481154856354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-118213978018029332008-07-01T05:52:13.753-07:002008-07-01T05:52:13.753-07:00Hi Jen,I am sorry that things seem so frustrating ...Hi Jen,<br><br>I am sorry that things seem so frustrating for you. I think your post was very well written, and I encourage you to be an advocate for anything that you are concerned about. You should really give yourselves more credit--you will certainly be a huge part of this conception process, a very important part. Without you, this embryo may never know life.<br><br>I skipped out on our Mother's Day service at church. I commend you for taking the time to listen to the sermon. I think next year, you should address these concerns with your pastor. No disrespect intended--but he may just be another person who is uneducated on living with IF or childlessness. If he has never been touched by this heartache, he could never possibly understand the array of emotions one feels. It's up to us---women who have been there and traveled that dreadful road to enlighten those of our journey. Not for their sympathy, but for their education.Elainehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13402324101487939680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-78124562995825182752008-07-01T10:33:25.816-07:002008-07-01T10:33:25.816-07:00I think you read too deeply into what your pastor ...I think you read too deeply into what your pastor was saying...anyone in public speaking is bound to offend someone at some point. I understand what you are going thru I have been there...looking back prior to becoming a parent I was always worried about what people thought of me and how I became a parent! If I could go back I would not be so petty and live my life...be calm it will happen for you!amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03885441076205516925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-78137718475150311642008-07-02T14:24:39.628-07:002008-07-02T14:24:39.628-07:00Good thoughts, Jen! There are some definite ethica...Good thoughts, Jen! There are some definite ethical problems running through the world of embryo sale and purchase. We're so impressed with you guys for doing it the hard way when the easy way is so quick and available.Diana J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10301075330910381544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7439109790681220541.post-58233745764867639572008-07-02T14:51:21.758-07:002008-07-02T14:51:21.758-07:00I definitely think you should look into being an a...I definitely think you should look into being an advocate/speaker on issues related to infertility and adoption. If you are half as good at speaking as you are at writing, you'll be great! And I don't think it's egotistical. Some people have experiences that others want to hear about, and God may even be calling you to raise awareness. <br><br>My husband and I have felt for a long time that we will do the same thing one day. We're not sure how, but we kind of envision ourselves giving talks about infertility and the role that God played in our journey. But that probably won't happen for some time. We need to find out how the story ends first (maybe not ends, but at least what direction we'll be going).allyouwhohopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06322075168200033307noreply@blogger.com